Major Depressive Disorder

I've had many episodes of major depressive disorder over the years. Most are kicked off by an event, my husband going to war, my son being diagnosed with schizophrenia..., but this last episode started when I had a medication change. I have not been able to find a substitute medication in the last year and a half. My mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness in February, and passed away June 10 so I am struggling. I thought it might help to relay how my depression is presenting.

I am going through my days in a fog. Every step seems to be a push to get it accomplished. I wake up 45 minutes before I need to get on the computer to start work. This is just enough time to get coffee and comb my hair. Thinking is a difficult task so I leave myself many sticky notes to avoid as much "brain" work as I can.

I smile. I talk to people. I encourage. I cry easily. I over-think. Every relationship is now being scrutinized. I feel so over-whelmed. When mom first died, many people sent cards and I couldn't read them. I didn't want to see that she was gone. Now I read them. I thank people for sending them. I feel the pain. I live in the moment.

Most days I get little accomplished. I may go to the grocery store. I may cook dinner, write some thank you cards, go to the gym. I'm thankful my family is taking up the slack. I sit in my recliner and pull the blanket up around my neck. The blanket (no matter hot I am) keeps me safe. My anxiety is high.

This is my day. I am in a fog. I live in the moment. I get little accomplished. I am making it though. I am moving forward. I am setting goals for the future and what I want to accomplish. Check back with me.

Guardianship

Four years ago we decided to get guardianship on my son's 18th birthday. We wanted to make sure that we would be able to access his medical records when he becomes psychotic. We've used it a few times in the last 4 years. I think it is beneficial. What I don't know is if my son will continue to get better and not need us to have guardianship.

Since March he has not been psychotic. We have not seen him hearing voices or seeing hallucinations. I love seeing him get better. Just the last few weeks he has started smiling and laughing. I am seeing him return to us after many years of troubling behavior.

The fact is he is still schizoaffective and may need us to have the guardianship. We went to court Friday to file the annual report and keep the guardianship.

Hallucinations

My son talked to me about past hallucinations. He remembers that he could have a good day without voices and then things would happen at night. He recalls a 6 ft. elf that wanted to teach him to dance. He remembers getting on the stage but now believes it was all a hallucination. He also hears spirits knock on his door.

I remember him falling to his knees in front of the sun shining through the window. He said he saw a cross and believed God was speaking to him.

He's had many spiritual hallucinations with spirits, demons and fairies. We were on vacation once and he believed the fairies had stolen his socks. The fairies also steal cell phones. So he put a dime in the corner of his room to keep fairies away.

Another time the penguins were stopping him from opening the refrigerator. One time when he was in the hospital, he kept seeing wolves run by. He had a hallucination or delusion that he was married and had eight children and that he lived on another planet. These hallucinations can be comical and we can laugh about them.

He went on a walk one time when he was psychotic and got lost. He thought he saw police cars surrounding him but couldn't figure out why the police wouldn't help him get home. He called me to pick him up but kept talking about all the policeman.

The demons are the worst. The demons are mean and say evil things to him. He cries. NO! And he can get angry enough from the demons that he hits holes in walls, pours coffee out on the floor or breaks dishes.

Our hope is that we can keep the hallucinations away with medication.

Violence and Schizophrenia

In October 2015 we had a horrible incident where my son was hearing voices and attacked my husband. My daughter had several friends over, I went to bed and about 2 a.m. I heard screaming. I pulled my son off my husband and my husband went to the ER. He had several bruises but was otherwise okay. I went to church the next morning because you just power through. I don't know where the extra strength comes from when you are in trials like this.

This weekend, almost a year after this incident, my oldest son had friends over. I went to bed and started having flashback of the previous incident. I kept worrying that my younger son was going to go psychotic. Nothing happened. My youngest son is doing well right now. I eventually went to sleep. No one has ever diagnosed me with PTSD but I think I have some symptoms of it.

2016 has been relatively calm. My younger son has had a few incidents of voices but no screaming, or violence. We live in fear from what we've gone through. We don't know when it will return.

Riding the wave of joy and anxiety

I found my joy again! I don't know how or why but I am happy all the time. I'm not saying I don't get anxious but life is happy. My son hasn't cut in months and seems stable. We recently went on vacation to the river and had a great time.

We walked trails, went swimming and cooked on the grill. My son smiled and laughed the whole vacation. It was so refreshing. We had one episode of him dropping a glass pipe and breaking it and he cried. They was the only "abnormal" thing that happened on the trip. We ate out at Applebees which is hard for his vegetarian diet. We went to Wal-Mart and he played the arcade games. Just happy times.

I hope this normalcy can last. We'd like to go on cruise next year. Schizophrenia is so unfriendly. You never know when the voices and demons will return. I don't know when he will become hostile or angry.

Life is precarious.

Holding my own

Someone asked me how I was doing and I said, "Holding my own." That says books of information.

I am doing better but there are still several issues. I find when I drive past the local mental hospital, I wonder what I'd be like for my son to be back in the hospital. It seems being in trauma is now what I'm used to. It seems abnormal to relax so I rarely let myself do that.

I worry that my son spends too much time in his room. I worry that he is involved in pornography. I worry that he's cutting himself. I worry that he's sad. I find it hard to just be happy with all I have to be thankful for because I have all these worries that encompass me.

The bumpy road we've been down

I was thinking back to when the mental health problems began. My son was only 8. He began talking about hearing voices and seeing things that were not there. It was always negative voices. The voices would tell him he was stupid or bad. He saw teenage boys that would say bad things to him. These were just delusions of boys. Sometimes he would shake his fist at them or call them stupid back. Sometimes he would yell, and bang the walls. The delusions were very upsetting to him. This lasted a year and then the medication seemed to even things out enough that we could have normal days.

When he was in 7th grade he wanted to get something for depression. The doctor put him on Zoloft and he became delusional again. It was scary and my husband called the police. When we took him to the psychiatrist, we were told it was the Zoloft and we took him off immediately. He went through 7th grade pretty well. He had some anti social behavior and started smoking cigarettes and using drugs. By his sophomore year in high school he was having all the symptoms of schizophrenia. He was paranoid, delusional thinking, confused speech, and voices.

His sophomore year was tough. He missed so much school because of the illness that he didn't pass his sophomore year. He started having trouble with anger which we hadn't seen in years. I remember driving down the road and he put his feet on the windshield and cracked the windshield. Another time he got in an argument with a teacher because he wanted to go home. Most of the time, it was unusual behavior that had us concerned. One time he rocked back and forth in the fetal position crying because he thought a friend had died. Once I was called to the school because he was talking to something that was not there. Another time he was riding the bus home from school and thought everyone on the bus was talking about him and he got off the bus and called me to pick him up. That was the last time he rode the bus. Once he was on the front porch and a neighbor was talking on their cell phone. He thought they were talking to him and yelled at them. They were so concerned about the confusion that they came and apologized to him.

The next school year was full of delinquency. He would skip classes to smoke marijuana. He would perform candle rituals with his friends. He had lots of ideas about the supernatural. One day I was coming home from ladies bible class and I saw him run across the road from the high school with the principal chasing him. He had left campus and when he was returning they wanted to talk to him and instead he ran. It wasn't much after that I decided that high school just wasn't going to work. He'd never get his credits with missing so much class time. I decided to home school him on the GED and he passed it his first time.

During this time he took drivers education. He passed the course but when he went to take the test at the DMV he failed it 4 times. He's 19 now and still doesn't have his license.

Over the next 2 years he was frequently psychotic. He would talk about wolves and things he would see that no one else saw. He could be very manic not sleeping well. He was not taking medication and would have really strange conversations that were very animated. I was afraid to leave him alone and was only working a few hours a week. One time we went to Walmart and he ran out. He called me that he left the store but couldn't tell me where he was. He said the voices told him to leave Walmart. I found him an hour later at the mall across the street in the fetal position.

We wanted to take a family vacation so we booked a cruise to Cozumel. On the drive down there he was talking non stop about flies buzzing around. It was not normal. We should have turned around. The first day of the vacation went well. He loved dancing to the music and eating at the buffet. We were going to Fine Dining the second night and got him into some nice pants then he disappeared. We decided to go on to Fine Dining without him. Later that night, around midnight, he returned to the cabin, yelling. He would go out one door and then back in the other door yelling the whole time. We were afraid he would throw himself over board when he tried to go on the balcony so Paul tackled him on the bed. They struggled and Paul was bit. We got security of the ship involved. They doctored Paul's arm. Our son was completely psychotic. He couldn't answer questions and talked non stop through out the night about strange things. They had us in a room with a guard by the door. We were told the next morning that our son would have to leave the ship. Paul took him on a flight back to San Antonio but he was not well. His speech was very confused. He spent a week at a mental hospital then was transferred to a longer care facility. He was still not taking medication. He returned to normalcy and was discharged but once out he was walking naked in the woods behind our house and the police were called. No charges were pressed but it was just another strange thing for the books.

We got him on latuda and things got better for a while. The Latuda seemed to make him angry and we had many anger outbursts. He broke dishes, hit holes in the walls and hit Paul several times. In 2015 he was hospitalized 3 times. He started cutting and cut too deep in June and had to be hospitalized. We added depokote for the anger issues. It seemed to help at first. We took him on vacation to the beach. He had disorganized speech and would cry uncontrollably, but we had some good times. The last night he disappeared and called the next morning to say he was at the police station. He said he was sleep walking. The police brought him back to us.

In September the cutting got worse and we put him in the mental hospital. They suggested the state hospital. That would have been a very good idea. I wish we would have pursued it because things got much worse. He pulled a knife on me while he was hearing voices. He was sent to jail. He is currently out of jail. We changed his medicine to Invega and it seems to be working well. We still have the court case ahead of us but he seems to be doing well on the new medicine. I don't know of any anger outbursts, delusions or voices in 7 weeks.

Someday I would like to be able to tell my story in such a way to help others. That is the only blessing I can see from all of this. He is a unique individual and I pray that one day he can use his gifts to be a contributing member of society.

Schizoaffective Disorder

I've been on a Facebook group page the last several months for schizoaffective disorder. I've also talked recently with someone who also has a son with schizoaffective disorder. I'm seeing the trends in behavior.

My son cuts himself, talks about his delusions and voices, and has trouble with hygiene. I've found these things are common with schizoaffective disorder. We've gone through some major trauma with our son.

It all started 3 months ago. The Latuda was not controlling the voices and the depakote was not controlling the anger issues. He was hitting holes in the walls, breaking dishes, and yelling through-out the night. He would say the house was covered with penguins or that the demons were raping him. He'd go on social media talking about the rape. It was all real to him.

We finally got the medicine changed from Latuda to Invega. It was just a small dose of Invega as he was transferring to a new medicine. The day was normal. He was staying in his room most of the time. His conversation was erratic. He didn't make a whole lot of sense, but this was normal for the last 8 weeks or so. I told him not to post online that he wanted to kill people. He yelled at me that it was just social media and he could post whatever he wanted. Then I told him we needed to clean his bathroom. The voices in his head made him think his sister said something rude to him and he poured coffee on her, what she was working on and the pictures I had out. I got angry that he would abuse his sister that way and told him to clean it up. He told me to leave his room or he'd kill me. I didn't leave his room and he held a knife to my neck. I grabbed his arm and the knife cut my arm. All this time my daughter was on the phone with the police. The police were there in minutes and arrested him for domestic abuse. He now is charged with a 2nd degree felony.

I tell you all this because it can go bad so quickly. You have to watch the signs. As soon as they are a danger to themselves or others they need to go to the hospital. He was saying he wanted to kill people. If I would have reacted then we wouldn't have had the whole knife incident.

Psychotic

My son with schizophrenia got a jury notice. He is so psychotic now. He's laughing, crying, talking and laughing hysterically. I didn't see any way he could do the jury duty so I took him to the bank to get a notary to sign the affidavit to get out of the jury duty.

He was so psychotic I wondered if he would be able to go to the bank to do the notary. It ended up being comical. I actually found myself laughing. When we got to the bank we sat down on the couches to wait our turn with the banker. Jacob was picking his feet up real high and taking big steps. One of the employees of the bank was watching him. His movements were all large and he didn't appear the least bit normal. He got down on the floor to color a picture with the crayons and paper the bank provided then with elaborate movements he folded it up and put it in his back pocket. He walked over to the coffee and made lots of hand gestures and looked closely at the coffee pot. I told him he could get some coffee and he did. It was at this time I noticed the bank employee still looking at us. I was afraid that they might call the police. It's not unusual that people are scared by the strange behavior.

No one called the police. We got the affidavit notarized and were on our way. On the way home his behavior changed from laughing and smiling to being upset. He started talking about his dad thinking he was on drugs and many other similar things that made him upset with his dad.

This psychosis has lasted 5 days now. It has lasted up to 3 weeks before. I hope it doesn't last much longer.

New Day

I started working at a new school. I am a teacher and the depression has really taken a toll on me on how I conduct my class. I just don't have the excitement that I use to. This past week has been in service. We get students on Monday. I am really looking forward to getting started. I am working at a small school for children with autism. It will be something new and I am ready to take on the challenge. I've noticed that I still get anxiety (rapid heart beat, difficulty in breathing) so I take the anxiety medicine about twice a day.

I think I am spending too much time on things that make me sad. I started posting on a mental illness discussion board, and joined a schizo affective website. This may be too much for me to handle. Right now my son is not hearing voices, and he is not acting out violently. We are doing well this week. I think the discussion board and website may just be reminders that I don't want.

I think the main things I need to focus on are things that make me happy-watching T.V. with my daughter, morning coffee with my husband, taking my son to Sprouts to shop, and lesson planning. I still try to do my hobbies-crafts, scrap booking, reading, but they haven't been bringing me joy. I try to keep doing the hobbies in hopes the joy returns.

I recently got involved in jury duty. The best part was talking to the other jurors. I met some really nice people. I tend to be shy and the whole situation of us sitting and waiting for the judge to call us in for interviews made it more conducive to "talk." I didn't get picked as a juror but the experience was really good.

I have hope for the future. I wish I could stop worrying so much about my son.

Anxiety

I keep counting my blessings to somehow get me in a good mood. It's not that I'm in a bad mood, I just don't feel joy anymore. I go out to eat with friends, hug Paul, make my family dinner, go to church, go shopping, read books, scrapbook,and I will start work soon. I wish I had the feelings...happy feelings that should go along with these things.

I don't know how to pull myself from this depression. There's a lot of anxiety involved. There's such uncertainty about my son. He's having a horrible time with voices and delusions. The fairies and spirits talk to him. He laughs a lot. The voices talk to him and he responds by laughing. A lot of times he talks to the voices or delusions. It's very hard to watch. The conversations with him are out of this realm. I keep trying to focus on the fact that he's happy. He was having daily anger outbursts until we got him on 1000 mg of depakote. Now he is happy but does not seem sane.

The counselors and psychiatrists aren't helping. It seems we've been to appointments regularly all summer long and no one helps him. I have my own counselor who listens but doesn't seem to give me anything to do to bring me out of the depression. She says to keep doing things and the feelings will come back. So far they haven't.

I would like to enjoy my family instead of just go through the motions. I can't seem to sit still. The family likes to sit out in the backyard and grill. I can't sit there without having my laptop, phone or something to distract me all the time. I wish I could just sit and talk to people but I get anxious.

Raging adults

He continues with daily anger outbursts. You can say the wrong thing and he can get upset or he can think of a time in his past where he was treated badly and it can turn into a rage. Yesterday he threw a cup of coffee. It's horrible to live in a situation so volatile. I hate it. I wonder how we will be able to take care of him long term if this is how it's going to be.

The psychiatrist recommended depakote to help with the mood swings. We tried 500 mg for a month and it didn't work. She increased it to 1000 mg and he has refused the pill. We have capsules that I can open up and put in his food but don't have enough to last a month because he was expected to take the pill.

We go on vacation tomorrow and my husband and I are both afraid of his anger outbursts. We can't have a good vacation if he's going to be raging.

Is there anyone out there dealing with a raging adult? How do you deal with it? If this was my husband I would know to leave the relationship but since this is my son with a mental disorder I can't walk away. The police told me on Thursday that we're going to continue having problems as long as he's in the house. I know he won't get his medicine for schizophrenia without me giving it to him everyday. He's also not responsible for his financial well being.

I can't picture him living a successful life on his own but we can't live with him and not be afraid. He will threaten to kill himself or my husband. I don't think he's capable of either but it's scary.

Usually what happens is he'll get angry about something, completely upset us and turn our day from good to bad. He'll get over it in 15 minutes and we're left with the pieces to pick up. Whether it's our feelings that are frayed or broken glass, or something he's spilled-there's always something to clean up.

Drug problem

We've had days now of him talking to himself and laughing loudly. He seems psychotic. I don't know if it's drugs or schizophrenia. My main concern now is his anger outburst. I don't see how he can hold a job or go to college if he's going to get upset with people. The psychiatrist said that in his mental state he can't hold a job or go to college.

We know he took meth last week. I've read that anger outburst come from a withdrawal of meth. I don't know if this is what we are dealing with. We need a drug rehab. I talked to him about it and he said he likes to be at home. He thinks he can stop by himself. We need a way to monitor his money so that he doesn't use it on drugs.

He would like to go to college. Of course, I would like to see him be successful. My prayer is that he will become stable enough to go to college.

Schizoaffective Disorder

I feel we have had a crisis fed month. Our son threatened suicide several times one week end. We called the suicide hotline and they said to talk to his therapist. We went in for an appointment and was told that he is schizoaffective. He has a mood disorder in addition to the schizophrenia. She suggested a partial program. We started the partial program right away. The first few days were good. He liked the yoga and art classes. He got into one argument with a staff member because he wasn't in the group meeting he was suppose to be in. It went down hill from there. He continued to sit out of group and rejected help from the counselor and psychiatrist. He discharged himself after 5 days; it was a 10 day program. I felt we had been discarded. Help wasn't given to get him to stay in the program. We were just let go.

Two days later he cut himself so bad he needed 6 stitches. I went to his room to give him his medicine and his pants were completely soaked with blood. He had decided he would just bleed out. He had accepted death. We took him to the emergency room and they put him in a behavioral health unit. Again, I didn't think the hospital helped us as much as we needed. He went to the behavioral health unit on a Thursday night and was released on Saturday with no medicine changes.

We went back to the psychiatrist who increased the medicine he was on and added a mood stabilizer. We are on the second week of the changed meds. He laughs randomly so much that I worry about him.

I think the main concern now is the laughing. Last night we could hear him all night long laughing. He has laughed in his room all day today. He will talk to himself and laugh at himself. He has come to the kitchen a few times and continued laughing. I worry about him.

Feeling depressed

Yesterday was a bad night. He lost his phone and when he asked me if I was sad about it and I said yes, he erupted. The next 3 hours was tirades of cussing, anger, crying, and lots of talking. I kept telling him I felt bullied. I just don't understand the reaction. There is no understanding that other people have feelings. He finally apologized but also wanted an apology. I just don't understand the rational.

We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I'm going to ask for a medicine increase. I'm hoping the medicine can better control the anger. We've had a rough 2015 so far. The anger seems to be closer to the forefront than it was in 2014. In 2014 we were looking at disorganized speech and large body movements. This year it's talking to himself and anger explosions.

I read that showing understanding of feelings helps the schizophrenic. I think in the moment I freeze. When he says he wants to kill himself I just start saying how that's not the answer instead of saying I understand that he's sad. Maybe I can try it next time.

Living in the present

Several years ago, before we had the diagnosis of schizophrenia, I wrote that I wished I could fast forward 10 years. I thought that by then my work situation would be better, my son would be better, my older two children would be out of the house and married. I thought I would be teaching, loving some grandchildren and all would be at peace. We are closer now to that 10 year point. My oldest is out of the house, enjoying his job, and dating someone. My daughter is working, going to college and thinking of marriage. My youngest is stable.

I no longer wish for the future to hurry up and get here. As it says in the bible, "Today has enough trouble of its own." I no longer wish for the future because I am content in today. I am very proud of all 3 kids and I have the best husband.

I live in the present and I'm thankful for my husband filling my tires up with air and putting gas in the car. I'm thankful for the conversation on the phone with my son and hearing how he loves the big city. I'm thankful for my daughter cooking dinner and I'm proud to have the time with my youngest getting groceries.

I no longer wish for the future (sometimes I fear the future). But mostly I want to live in today and recognize the blessings. I can see how God has brought us through the valley of the shadow of death. I'm happy where we are today. I cannot say I am happy that we went through the trials but I can say I'm glad we made it to the other side. It took a lot of prayer, a lot of memorizing scripture, and a lot of talk therapy to get us to the other side. I can say living in the present is far better than living in the past, and I don't want to yearn for the future; I want to accept the present.

Hope for the future

It's been since April or May since the last schizophrenic episode. It's getting easier to not fear the worst when I have flash backs of past events. A distant cousin told me of her nephew that has schizophrenia. She said that he is married and occasionally has anger issues when he doesn't take his medicine. I pray that my son can lead a "normal" life with a wife and children. He has not been aggressive since he was regulated on 40 mg of Latuda. He's doing well on the medicine and for now he's taking it without complaint.

The last few weeks we've had several trials (which don't come close to the stress schizophrenia can cause). First Paul had a car accident that landed us in the emergency room with fear he had a concussion. Just a few days later he was riding his bike and flipped over the handle bars of the bike. He hurt his hand and wrist. Our daughter has been complaining for months about her bed so we bought her a new bed. In the meantime, the TV went out and we bought a new one which meant we also had to buy a TV stand. Jacob complained about a toothache and the dentist told us he had an infection and needed a root canal. He got the root canal and is taking antibiotics for the infection. It's been a week and he still complains of pain. Hopefully that will end soon. THEN I came home to melted ice around the refrigerator. A repairman charged us $78 to tell us the compressor was out and we needed a new refrigerator. Our bank account is dry!

Again, this doesn't compare with the stress of mental illness. On medicine we are not dealing with anger, delusions, confused speech, or voices. He does have depression which leaves him talking little, sleeping a lot and staying in his room. I am always elated when he smiles, laughs or helps around the house. It's amazing how your expectations can change. He use to do chores everyday now once a week if he empties the dishwasher I am happy.

We are at a better place and pray he continues with his medicine and that I can stop analyzing his mood all the time. I haven't cried in months which I take as a good sign. It means I have hope for the future.

Frustrated

I am using this as an outlet for my frustration. My son, who has paranoid schizophrenia, has just called me a bitch for the 6th time this month. He uses it as a weapon. I told him he was acting like an idiot when he threw something at his dad last week and now he's angry that I called him a name.

Today when I got home from work, he came downstairs and I proceeded to tell him what I bought him at the grocery store. There was no response. I keep trying to teach him social graces so I said, "Did you hear me?" He said, "No" and I repeated it. He said, "I told myself I wouldn't eat pears." I said, "I didn't buy you pears." Which he responded that he hadn't heard anything after bagels. I repeated the list which sent him into a tirade because he has thoughts in his head and I keep talking. Well he continued to talk, I stopped. I would say after calling me names, and lots of yelling, he went to his room after what seemed like a long time but was probably 5 minutes.

I hate being yelled at. I hate being called names. All I can see is that I went and bought him food and I am treated like crap. His point of view is that he wanted a quiet environment and I talked to him. Sometimes he will say please don't talk to me-which I feel is rude-but is better than what I just went through.

Finding the balance between understanding that he has voices that makes it hard for him to concentrate and wanting him to respond when he is talked to, is hard. I want him to treat people with kindness and the kindness seems to be getting less frequent.

He reduced his anti-psychotic medication and it's just not controlling the symptoms like I would like. He also walked into traffic during a psychotic episode and broke his leg in several places. I'm sure the leg doesn't feel great and he's having trouble getting around. He gets tired quickly.

I'm ready for a period of calmness. We don't seem to get through more than a couple of days without having an angry episode.

Life without major symptoms

He has been virtually symptom free for 7 months. We have not seen him act manic, hear voices, have delusions, or have disorganized speech. Paranoia rules its ugly head from time to time and he can also give human feelings to objects.

The paranoia I take with a grain of salt. Maybe I should be more concerned. I just don't see it disrupting his life. Some of the things he is paranoid about are-he believes we should not come in his room with shoes on because it will contaminate the area. He believes his dad is out to get him. He has overheard people talking on their cell phone and thought they were talking about him. He believes that fluoride disrupts dreams.

He frequently gives human feelings to objects. He names his plants and is very concerned with how they are treated. He believes that water goes through bends and curves and thus becomes unhappy. Since the tap water is unhappy, he only drinks bottled water.

The months without schizophrenic episodes have helped me heal. I'm not in a constant fear of what he'll do. He still can get frustrated when talked to too often but is generally in a good mood. He gets together with friends. He smiles and laughs. He enjoys life. This helps me to enjoy life also.

Purpose in life

John 9:1-3 "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him."

God has a plan for everyone. I love how Jesus says that the blind man was born to fulfill God's glory.

As I look at my life, I have seen purpose through-out the years but have come to a wall when it came to mental illness. I see so much purpose being lost. The fact is God told us that the illness was given so that God's glory would be revealed.

I feel very comforted that whether the illness was healed as in the blind man or not healed as in Paul's thorn in the flesh, the person still has a purpose to fulfill.