Monday, October 21, 2013

Purpose in life

John 9:1-3 "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him."

God has a plan for everyone. I love how Jesus says that the blind man was born to fulfill God's glory.

As I look at my life, I have seen purpose through-out the years but have come to a wall when it came to mental illness. I see so much purpose being lost. The fact is God told us that the illness was given so that God's glory would be revealed.

I feel very comforted that whether the illness was healed as in the blind man or not healed as in Paul's thorn in the flesh, the person still has a purpose to fulfill.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

When you realize you have empathy

I never could have guessed what was going to happen. I saw another person for the first time with voices and delusions like my son. Last school year I home schooled a 5th grader with autism. I was told he had mental illness too but I never saw it. His mother told me of anger outburst but I don't think I ever witnessed anything that I would consider abnormal.

Yesterday I was called and asked to home school this boy again. I said we could do a trial week and see how it goes. I could not believe my eyes and ears. This boy was talking of spirits. He worried the teapot on my stove was a caldron. He worried the small witch standing on the table was a voodoo doll. He stood on the furniture and screamed to God that he wanted to do what was right. He tearfully cried that he didn't want to have this illness. He called it bi-polar.

I was shook up for hours after he left. I have the same reaction when my son has psychotic moments. It was comforting to know that others also have this problem, but very sad that people have to suffer for voices and delusions they cannot control.

I am left with an emptiness of not knowing how to help. I feel I am more equipped than most to deal with the mental illness of this child but I don't know that my son should hear the screaming of someone else's suffering. This boy is on lithium. I question how long he has been on it and if its had enough time to work. I know my son continued to hear voices on zyprexa. It seems latuda has worked best for him.

My son has not had a psychotic episode in 3 months. I totally understand the seriousness this family goes through with their child. I understand they've had police called on their child and he's only 11. It's a long hard road but maybe I am entering a new level by working with someone else with mental illness. I do know I understand.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Mental Illness can be scary

I can almost say without a doubt that my son is not taking his anti-psychotic medicine. We've had more than 2 months of him being stable. We have gone out to eat, to movies, to the beach, to the grocery store. When he is psychotic nothing is easy. Leaving him alone or taking him with me can be anxiety filled.

It's like I'm counting the days for another episode. I sit on the couch just so I'll be there if anything happens. Sometimes my life shuts down. I haven't let that happen lately. I've kept going, but I do worry that he will have another scary episode. You never know what is going to happen-anger, sadness, voices, delusions, or mania.

I read an article on depression ( I can relate to this article because I believe just like my son's schizophrenia that he has no control over, depression is also not a choice. What people say and how they react to you makes a difference in how your day goes.

After reading the article, I realized that I had many of the same frustrations. I count my blessings through-out the day and still feel the anxiety that comes from dealing with someone suffering from schizophrenia.

The last diagnosis was severe schizophrenia with a poor prognosis. This was HORRIBLE to hear. Mental illness is scary. People need to be educated that they can be a friend to those suffering with mental illness.