tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71367857169132269292024-03-12T16:28:29.083-07:00Dealing with Mental IllnessWe've been on a roller coaster trying to get the right medication for my depression and anxiety and to control the voices, delusions, paranoia, and anger for my son. My son is diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. We will have many "good" months then he will overdose on drugs, go off of his prescription medications or the medications will simply stop working. This website began to try to sort out what was going on with our son. It has continued as I journal on topics sporadically. Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.comBlogger169125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-17363712713278158472020-09-17T16:17:00.002-07:002020-09-17T16:29:15.512-07:00Psychosis and Mental IllnessOn August 16, 2020, my 24 year old son went into psychosis again. He'd been stable for 2+ years so this a real blow. We had high hopes he could get a job, an apartment of his own, maybe take some college classes. Now we're back to square one.<br/><br/>
The way he presents in schizoaffective disorder is with paranoia, outburst of laughter, highs and lows, irritability, both visual and auditory hallucinations and then when the phychosis peaks he attacks both his environment and the people around him in anger.<br/><br/>
For 2 weeks he had been psychotic but happy and safe around us. Then the voices became too much for him and he started cutting himself. We felt we needed to hospitalize him to keep him safe. Before anything could be done, he hit his brother twice in the neck.
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The 3 mental hospitals in town were full. We started calling around trying to find out what to do. We knew, by this time, he was a danger to himself and others. He has a theme when the voices are angry. He always talks about sex. He screams that he's not a pedophile or that he's being raped. He'll scream to get off of him and stop raping him. This time a neighbor called the police. 3 officers confirmed that he was safe and not being hurt by me (I was the only one with him at the time).<br /><br/>
He continued to reek havok in his environment. He tore a door off the hinges, turned plants upside down, broke 6 plates and multiple vases. He hit holes in his bedroom wall and destroyed his laptop computer. He told his dad to stop looking at his butt. Before his dad could react, he'd hit his dad in the eye.
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It was a dangerous ride but my husband drove our son to the nearest ER. It was 3 days before a bed opened in a mental hospital. He stayed in the ER during this time. Once at the mental hospital, they increased his medicine and added one more. They discharged after 10 days.
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Its now one week after discharge and he's still psychotic, hearing voices, yelling at the voices, laughing randomly. He stays in his room and doesn't eat much.
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This is caregiving severe mental illness. There is little to no help.Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-5410142559659013612020-07-21T09:36:00.001-07:002020-07-21T09:36:41.922-07:00Major Depressive DisorderI've had many episodes of major depressive disorder over the years. Most are kicked off by an event, my husband going to war, my son being diagnosed with schizophrenia..., but this last episode started when I had a medication change. I have not been able to find a substitute medication in the last year and a half. My mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness in February, and passed away June 10 so I am struggling. I thought it might help to relay how my depression is presenting.<br />
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I am going through my days in a fog. Every step seems to be a push to get it accomplished. I wake up 45 minutes before I need to get on the computer to start work. This is just enough time to get coffee and comb my hair. Thinking is a difficult task so I leave myself many sticky notes to avoid as much "brain" work as I can. <br />
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I smile. I talk to people. I encourage. I cry easily. I over-think. Every relationship is now being scrutinized. I feel so over-whelmed. When mom first died, many people sent cards and I couldn't read them. I didn't want to see that she was gone. Now I read them. I thank people for sending them. I feel the pain. I live in the moment. <br />
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Most days I get little accomplished. I may go to the grocery store. I may cook dinner, write some thank you cards, go to the gym. I'm thankful my family is taking up the slack. I sit in my recliner and pull the blanket up around my neck. The blanket (no matter hot I am) keeps me safe. My anxiety is high.<br />
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This is my day. I am in a fog. I live in the moment. I get little accomplished. I am making it though. I am moving forward. I am setting goals for the future and what I want to accomplish. Check back with me. Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-7673739834833066682019-11-24T13:33:00.000-08:002019-11-24T13:33:40.743-08:00TMS treatment 14This is Day 14 of TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation). I haven’t posted about it because I’ve had a hard time. I’ve had a couple of medicine changes and a sinus infection on top of the brain stimulation. They had me at a very high threshold so the pulses would make me cry it hurt so much. At Day 11, they remapped and were able to lower the intensity of the pulses I feel. I watch “The Office” during treatments and today I was able to focus on the show and not the TMS. Soon I hope to be over the sinus infection and be able to tell if the treatment is making any difference in mood. I’d like to see a change in my motivation! I’ve taken this week off from everything except teaching and the treatments to try and feel better!Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-62213009147691696532019-11-24T13:31:00.001-08:002019-11-24T13:31:54.120-08:00DepressionI've had depression for over 20 years. I've been on medication for 20 years and have seen a therapist for most of that time. I have recently become medicine resistant so I was given the opportunity to try TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation). This treatment did nothing to help me. It caused my anxiety to become much more severe. When they tried right side stimulation in the TMS, I became very irritable. Now the TMS is over and I am anxious, depressed, irritable and having a hard time with life.<br />
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I have all the skills to do well. I know how to count my blessings and do this daily. I am in constant prayer. I believe in a God that is involved in our lives. I believe I will be well again.<br />
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Right now, it is 4 days until Thanksgiving. I have written the list of food to be prepared for our big meal. I have also started Christmas shopping. I am right on track but find no joy in the festivities that have brought me joy in the past.Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-73060690635737869252019-09-28T10:50:00.000-07:002019-09-28T10:50:19.992-07:00Depression and TMSI haven’t written much about my depression but thought it might be helpful to write some things out. I’ve had 7 sessions of TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. I’ve had a very rough time. I’m finding the treatments painful. On top of that I’ve had terrible depression. On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d be a 10.<br />
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I have Tardive Dyskinesia, a condition that causes me to have involuntary movements in my hands, feet, toes, mouth, and ankles. I was prescribed Austedo to help with the condition and it made my depression worse. I wasn’t sure if it was the TMS, or the zoloft causing the depression. Now I’m thinking it was the Austedo.<br />
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My mood is very low. I’m not finding joy but I also have many physical symptoms (which could be the zoloft). I have headaches, nausea, and general aches and pains. My hope is that I will feel better once the Austedo is out of my system.<br />
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I will have 36 treatments of TMS for my depression. I will update on how the TMS is going.Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-9694993707414256122019-09-16T14:23:00.001-07:002019-11-24T13:35:05.970-08:00Dealing with Major Depressive Disorder with TMSI was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression 20 years ago. I’ve tried many different medications. This year I was diagnosed with Tardive Dyskensia from a medication I was taking called vraylar. Because of this, I started looking for a new medication to help me.<br />
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After several trials and horrible side effects, my doctor suggested TMS. My first thought was-I’m not that bad off!!! He said that I did indeed have Major Depressive Disorder. I started looking into and the thought of this procedure helping me gave me tremendous hope!<br />
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I had my first TMS treatment a few hours ago and would like to share for those who are interested.<br />
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This initial treatment took about an hour because they did mapping and measurements of my head and a threshold test to determine what level to set the machine at. I will be using the Neuro Star rTMS. The initial pulses for mapping were tolerable but when they started the first treatment, it was mildly painful. On a scale of 1-10, it was a 6. I had pain just over my left eyebrow.<br />
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Immediately after treatment, I felt fine to drive and even went to volunteer at NAMI. I drove home feeling slightly nauseous, and anxious and I’m now relaxing. <br />
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I do feel drained but that may be the depression or just the anticipation of the procedure. I took Tylenol earlier but still have a mild headache; nothing too extreme but enough to be annoying. <br />
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I believe I’ll have 32 treatments covered by insurance! I’m ready to feel better.Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-60359077501164687322017-10-23T13:38:00.002-07:002017-10-23T13:38:57.041-07:00GuardianshipFour years ago we decided to get guardianship on my son's 18th birthday. We wanted to make sure that we would be able to access his medical records when he becomes psychotic. We've used it a few times in the last 4 years. I think it is beneficial. What I don't know is if my son will continue to get better and not need us to have guardianship.<br />
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Since March he has not been psychotic. We have not seen him hearing voices or seeing hallucinations. I love seeing him get better. Just the last few weeks he has started smiling and laughing. I am seeing him return to us after many years of troubling behavior. <br />
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The fact is he is still schizoaffective and may need us to have the guardianship. We went to court Friday to file the annual report and keep the guardianship.Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-78859628075409782962017-10-14T08:17:00.001-07:002017-10-14T08:17:59.299-07:00HallucinationsMy son talked to me about past hallucinations. He remembers that he could have a good day without voices and then things would happen at night. He recalls a 6 ft. elf that wanted to teach him to dance. He remembers getting on the stage but now believes it was all a hallucination. He also hears spirits knock on his door.<br />
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I remember him falling to his knees in front of the sun shining through the window. He said he saw a cross and believed God was speaking to him.<br />
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He's had many spiritual hallucinations with spirits, demons and fairies. We were on vacation once and he believed the fairies had stolen his socks. The fairies also steal cell phones. So he put a dime in the corner of his room to keep fairies away.<br />
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Another time the penguins were stopping him from opening the refrigerator. One time when he was in the hospital, he kept seeing wolves run by. He had a hallucination or delusion that he was married and had eight children and that he lived on another planet. These hallucinations can be comical and we can laugh about them. <br />
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He went on a walk one time when he was psychotic and got lost. He thought he saw police cars surrounding him but couldn't figure out why the police wouldn't help him get home. He called me to pick him up but kept talking about all the policeman.<br />
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The demons are the worst. The demons are mean and say evil things to him. He cries. NO! And he can get angry enough from the demons that he hits holes in walls, pours coffee out on the floor or breaks dishes.<br />
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Our hope is that we can keep the hallucinations away with medication.<br />
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Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-62374694210599352992017-10-01T06:16:00.003-07:002017-10-01T06:16:39.858-07:00Greener PasturesIn February, after 3 hospitalizations in just a few months, we got the right combination of medications. We have had no suicidal attempts, no voices, no hallucinations and no anger outbursts. It has been good! It can be done. I wondered whether he would ever be without voices.<br />
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6 months ago we were desperate for some time away and went overnight. We worried the whole time but all was well. so.....pushing it a bit we went 3 days away. Still everything was fine. We truly have reason to rejoice.<br />
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In August we went on a family trip to California. And our son with schizoaffective disorder did well. He got up, walked the beach, went with us to Universal Studios, on a boat tour, to Santa Barbara Pier and had late nights. There was no complaining. All was good. We begged him for smiles and saw some on the boat tour. He loved taking pictures of the wildlife.<br />
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Now we are planning a cruise to Cozumel. Just the 3 of us. My husband, myself, and my son. I think the medication will continue to keep the voices at bay and all will be fine. Several years ago we went on a cruise and he had voices and delusions and was talking about throwing himself overboard. We had to leave the ship and fly home. It is my hope that none of these bad memories will creep into the new adventure. <br />
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I do have a tendency to have flashbacks. They don't last long and I can distract myself. I think I have some lingering depression from all the crisis we have been through.<br />
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All that said, we are at greener pastures now.Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-273927591495354842017-04-24T12:34:00.001-07:002017-04-24T12:34:34.284-07:00Medicine and SSIWe've been calm the last 2 1/2 months. The voices, and anger outbursts have stopped. He has been on a combination of lithium and seroquel. He still is unlikely to join in the family activities. Whether it is watching TV, going on a walk, or going out to eat, he keeps to himself. I wish this was different.<br />
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Good news! He started getting SSI which means he is considered disabled and can ride the VIA van. He also gets Medicaid which means we can sign up to get a caregiver. We don't know yet how to manage the money. It is not enough to pay for housing and food. We're trying to figure out just what it can pay for.<br />
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My son is 21 yet relies on me heavily. It is hard for me to leave the house. My husband and I went out of town and stayed overnight a few weeks ago and since he's doing so well we're going out of town for 3 days. I'm excited to spend some time with my husband. I also think it is very good that my son can be independent.<br />
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Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-35919398081815534772016-12-01T08:00:00.001-08:002016-12-01T08:00:11.472-08:00Violence ReturnedLast Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, my son spent money on drugs and I told him that I couldn't give him money if he was going to spend it on drugs. He called me a bitch over and over. He really went out of control screaming at me. I was glad my other two children weren't home.<br />
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Last night, out of nowhere, he was in a bad mood. He confronted everyone in the household, myself, my husband, and my daughter. He called us bitch and asshole and broke a wine glass.<br />
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I don't know if this violence comes from schizophrenia or drug use. The psychiatrist said this kind of violence is common. He's on a mood stabilizer but I don't know if it's working.<br />
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Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-30082450169367710942016-09-26T10:27:00.000-07:002016-09-29T09:25:13.145-07:00Violence and SchizophreniaIn October 2015 we had a horrible incident where my son was hearing voices and attacked my husband. My daughter had several friends over, I went to bed and about 2 a.m. I heard screaming. I pulled my son off my husband and my husband went to the ER. He had several bruises but was otherwise okay. I went to church the next morning because you just power through. I don't know where the extra strength comes from when you are in trials like this.<br />
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This weekend, almost a year after this incident, my oldest son had friends over. I went to bed and started having flashback of the previous incident. I kept worrying that my younger son was going to go psychotic. Nothing happened. My youngest son is doing well right now. I eventually went to sleep. No one has ever diagnosed me with PTSD but I think I have some symptoms of it.<br />
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2016 has been relatively calm. My younger son has had a few incidents of voices but no screaming, or violence. We live in fear from what we've gone through. We don't know when it will return.Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-68270721152805076632016-09-02T10:38:00.001-07:002016-09-02T10:38:38.249-07:00Riding the wave of joy and anxietyI found my joy again! I don't know how or why but I am happy all the time. I'm not saying I don't get anxious but life is happy. My son hasn't cut in months and seems stable. We recently went on vacation to the river and had a great time.<br />
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We walked trails, went swimming and cooked on the grill. My son smiled and laughed the whole vacation. It was so refreshing. We had one episode of him dropping a glass pipe and breaking it and he cried. They was the only "abnormal" thing that happened on the trip. We ate out at Applebees which is hard for his vegetarian diet. We went to Wal-Mart and he played the arcade games. Just happy times.<br />
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I hope this normalcy can last. We'd like to go on cruise next year. Schizophrenia is so unfriendly. You never know when the voices and demons will return. I don't know when he will become hostile or angry.<br />
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Life is precarious.<br />
Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-17826097498061375862016-06-15T15:05:00.002-07:002016-06-21T10:38:31.740-07:00Holding my ownSomeone asked me how I was doing and I said, "Holding my own." That says books of information.<br />
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I am doing better but there are still several issues. I find when I drive past the local mental hospital, I wonder what I'd be like for my son to be back in the hospital. It seems being in trauma is now what I'm used to. It seems abnormal to relax so I rarely let myself do that.<br />
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I worry that my son spends too much time in his room. I worry that he is involved in pornography. I worry that he's cutting himself. I worry that he's sad. I find it hard to just be happy with all I have to be thankful for because I have all these worries that encompass me.<br />
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Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-60089011439756386782016-01-25T08:27:00.001-08:002016-01-25T18:32:03.611-08:00The bumpy road we've been down I was thinking back to when the mental health problems began. My son was only 8. He began talking about hearing voices and seeing things that were not there. It was always negative voices. The voices would tell him he was stupid or bad. He saw teenage boys that would say bad things to him. These were just delusions of boys. Sometimes he would shake his fist at them or call them stupid back. Sometimes he would yell, and bang the walls. The delusions were very upsetting to him. This lasted a year and then the medication seemed to even things out enough that we could have normal days.<br />
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When he was in 7th grade he wanted to get something for depression. The doctor put him on Zoloft and he became delusional again. It was scary and my husband called the police. When we took him to the psychiatrist, we were told it was the Zoloft and we took him off immediately. He went through 7th grade pretty well. He had some anti social behavior and started smoking cigarettes and using drugs. By his sophomore year in high school he was having all the symptoms of schizophrenia. He was paranoid, delusional thinking, confused speech, and voices. <br />
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His sophomore year was tough. He missed so much school because of the illness that he didn't pass his sophomore year. He started having trouble with anger which we hadn't seen in years. I remember driving down the road and he put his feet on the windshield and cracked the windshield. Another time he got in an argument with a teacher because he wanted to go home. Most of the time, it was unusual behavior that had us concerned. One time he rocked back and forth in the fetal position crying because he thought a friend had died. Once I was called to the school because he was talking to something that was not there. Another time he was riding the bus home from school and thought everyone on the bus was talking about him and he got off the bus and called me to pick him up. That was the last time he rode the bus. Once he was on the front porch and a neighbor was talking on their cell phone. He thought they were talking to him and yelled at them. They were so concerned about the confusion that they came and apologized to him.<br />
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The next school year was full of delinquency. He would skip classes to smoke marijuana. He would perform candle rituals with his friends. He had lots of ideas about the supernatural. One day I was coming home from ladies bible class and I saw him run across the road from the high school with the principal chasing him. He had left campus and when he was returning they wanted to talk to him and instead he ran. It wasn't much after that I decided that high school just wasn't going to work. He'd never get his credits with missing so much class time. I decided to home school him on the GED and he passed it his first time.<br />
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During this time he took drivers education. He passed the course but when he went to take the test at the DMV he failed it 4 times. He's 19 now and still doesn't have his license.<br />
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Over the next 2 years he was frequently psychotic. He would talk about wolves and things he would see that no one else saw. He could be very manic not sleeping well. He was not taking medication and would have really strange conversations that were very animated. I was afraid to leave him alone and was only working a few hours a week. One time we went to Walmart and he ran out. He called me that he left the store but couldn't tell me where he was. He said the voices told him to leave Walmart. I found him an hour later at the mall across the street in the fetal position.<br />
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We wanted to take a family vacation so we booked a cruise to Cozumel. On the drive down there he was talking non stop about flies buzzing around. It was not normal. We should have turned around. The first day of the vacation went well. He loved dancing to the music and eating at the buffet. We were going to Fine Dining the second night and got him into some nice pants then he disappeared. We decided to go on to Fine Dining without him. Later that night, around midnight, he returned to the cabin, yelling. He would go out one door and then back in the other door yelling the whole time. We were afraid he would throw himself over board when he tried to go on the balcony so Paul tackled him on the bed. They struggled and Paul was bit. We got security of the ship involved. They doctored Paul's arm. Our son was completely psychotic. He couldn't answer questions and talked non stop through out the night about strange things. They had us in a room with a guard by the door. We were told the next morning that our son would have to leave the ship. Paul took him on a flight back to San Antonio but he was not well. His speech was very confused. He spent a week at a mental hospital then was transferred to a longer care facility. He was still not taking medication. He returned to normalcy and was discharged but once out he was walking naked in the woods behind our house and the police were called. No charges were pressed but it was just another strange thing for the books.<br />
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We got him on latuda and things got better for a while. The Latuda seemed to make him angry and we had many anger outbursts. He broke dishes, hit holes in the walls and hit Paul several times. In 2015 he was hospitalized 3 times. He started cutting and cut too deep in June and had to be hospitalized. We added depokote for the anger issues. It seemed to help at first. We took him on vacation to the beach. He had disorganized speech and would cry uncontrollably, but we had some good times. The last night he disappeared and called the next morning to say he was at the police station. He said he was sleep walking. The police brought him back to us.<br />
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In September the cutting got worse and we put him in the mental hospital. They suggested the state hospital. That would have been a very good idea. I wish we would have pursued it because things got much worse. He pulled a knife on me while he was hearing voices. He was sent to jail. He is currently out of jail. We changed his medicine to Invega and it seems to be working well. We still have the court case ahead of us but he seems to be doing well on the new medicine. I don't know of any anger outbursts, delusions or voices in 7 weeks.<br />
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Someday I would like to be able to tell my story in such a way to help others. That is the only blessing I can see from all of this. He is a unique individual and I pray that one day he can use his gifts to be a contributing member of society.<br />
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Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-6675095704186015792016-01-09T13:37:00.000-08:002016-01-09T13:37:07.328-08:00Living with Schizoaffective DisorderWe've had a month of "normalcy." I close my eyes and I can still hear the yelling. He would yell ALOT. He went back and forth from crying to laughing. None of that is going on now. He seems to be functioning. We had a medicine change, but I don't know if that is the reason all the bad behavior has stopped. It's all so scary. I don't know how to function. I don't know when all the craziness will come back.<br />
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Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-80194033220750235822015-12-16T09:44:00.001-08:002015-12-16T09:45:13.882-08:00HospitalizationsWe ended up putting my son in the mental hospital. So far it is going well. They couldn't believe we had dealt with him at home in the state he was in. They have him on unit restriction because they don't feel in his current state that he can go to a public place. It's funny because in his current state we've taken him to the store and many other places. We just tolerate the talking to himself and funny gestures.<br />
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We try to be as normal as possible. We take him out to eat, go to the store, go places. Since I started this post, he's been discharged from this hospital, put in jail, entered another mental hospital and is now in a partial hospitalization program.<br />
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We are thankful that he not currently hearing voices or angry.Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-44440564766549495442015-12-16T09:42:00.000-08:002015-12-16T09:45:34.363-08:00Schizoaffective DisorderI've been on a Facebook group page the last several months for schizoaffective disorder. I've also talked recently with someone who also has a son with schizoaffective disorder. I'm seeing the trends in behavior.<br />
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My son cuts himself, talks about his delusions and voices, and has trouble with hygiene. I've found these things are common with schizoaffective disorder. We've gone through some major trauma with our son.<br />
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It all started 3 months ago. The Latuda was not controlling the voices and the depakote was not controlling the anger issues. He was hitting holes in the walls, breaking dishes, and yelling through-out the night. He would say the house was covered with penguins or that the demons were raping him. He'd go on social media talking about the rape. It was all real to him.<br />
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We finally got the medicine changed from Latuda to Invega. It was just a small dose of Invega as he was transferring to a new medicine. The day was normal. He was staying in his room most of the time. His conversation was erratic. He didn't make a whole lot of sense, but this was normal for the last 8 weeks or so. I told him not to post online that he wanted to kill people. He yelled at me that it was just social media and he could post whatever he wanted. Then I told him we needed to clean his bathroom. The voices in his head made him think his sister said something rude to him and he poured coffee on her, what she was working on and the pictures I had out. I got angry that he would abuse his sister that way and told him to clean it up. He told me to leave his room or he'd kill me. I didn't leave his room and he held a knife to my neck. I grabbed his arm and the knife cut my arm. All this time my daughter was on the phone with the police. The police were there in minutes and arrested him for domestic abuse. He now is charged with a 2nd degree felony.<br />
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I tell you all this because it can go bad so quickly. You have to watch the signs. As soon as they are a danger to themselves or others they need to go to the hospital. He was saying he wanted to kill people. If I would have reacted then we wouldn't have had the whole knife incident.<br />
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Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-20802893511984528182015-09-14T13:54:00.001-07:002015-09-14T13:54:20.391-07:00PsychoticMy son with schizophrenia got a jury notice. He is so psychotic now. He's laughing, crying, talking and laughing hysterically. I didn't see any way he could do the jury duty so I took him to the bank to get a notary to sign the affidavit to get out of the jury duty.<br />
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He was so psychotic I wondered if he would be able to go to the bank to do the notary. It ended up being comical. I actually found myself laughing. When we got to the bank we sat down on the couches to wait our turn with the banker. Jacob was picking his feet up real high and taking big steps. One of the employees of the bank was watching him. His movements were all large and he didn't appear the least bit normal. He got down on the floor to color a picture with the crayons and paper the bank provided then with elaborate movements he folded it up and put it in his back pocket. He walked over to the coffee and made lots of hand gestures and looked closely at the coffee pot. I told him he could get some coffee and he did. It was at this time I noticed the bank employee still looking at us. I was afraid that they might call the police. It's not unusual that people are scared by the strange behavior.<br />
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No one called the police. We got the affidavit notarized and were on our way. On the way home his behavior changed from laughing and smiling to being upset. He started talking about his dad thinking he was on drugs and many other similar things that made him upset with his dad.<br />
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This psychosis has lasted 5 days now. It has lasted up to 3 weeks before. I hope it doesn't last much longer. Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-13106123175091523022015-08-22T15:54:00.001-07:002015-08-22T15:54:21.376-07:00New DayI started working at a new school. I am a teacher and the depression has really taken a toll on me on how I conduct my class. I just don't have the excitement that I use to. This past week has been in service. We get students on Monday. I am really looking forward to getting started. I am working at a small school for children with autism. It will be something new and I am ready to take on the challenge. I've noticed that I still get anxiety (rapid heart beat, difficulty in breathing) so I take the anxiety medicine about twice a day.<br />
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I think I am spending too much time on things that make me sad. I started posting on a mental illness discussion board, and joined a schizo affective website. This may be too much for me to handle. Right now my son is not hearing voices, and he is not acting out violently. We are doing well this week. I think the discussion board and website may just be reminders that I don't want.<br />
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I think the main things I need to focus on are things that make me happy-watching T.V. with my daughter, morning coffee with my husband, taking my son to Sprouts to shop, and lesson planning. I still try to do my hobbies-crafts, scrap booking, reading, but they haven't been bringing me joy. I try to keep doing the hobbies in hopes the joy returns.<br />
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I recently got involved in jury duty. The best part was talking to the other jurors. I met some really nice people. I tend to be shy and the whole situation of us sitting and waiting for the judge to call us in for interviews made it more conducive to "talk." I didn't get picked as a juror but the experience was really good. <br />
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I have hope for the future. I wish I could stop worrying so much about my son. Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-55172570116519901882015-08-14T09:15:00.002-07:002015-08-14T09:15:28.891-07:00AnxietyI keep counting my blessings to somehow get me in a good mood. It's not that I'm in a bad mood, I just don't feel joy anymore. I go out to eat with friends, hug Paul, make my family dinner, go to church, go shopping, read books, scrapbook,and I will start work soon. I wish I had the feelings...happy feelings that should go along with these things.<br />
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I don't know how to pull myself from this depression. There's a lot of anxiety involved. There's such uncertainty about my son. He's having a horrible time with voices and delusions. The fairies and spirits talk to him. He laughs a lot. The voices talk to him and he responds by laughing. A lot of times he talks to the voices or delusions. It's very hard to watch. The conversations with him are out of this realm. I keep trying to focus on the fact that he's happy. He was having daily anger outbursts until we got him on 1000 mg of depakote. Now he is happy but does not seem sane.<br />
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The counselors and psychiatrists aren't helping. It seems we've been to appointments regularly all summer long and no one helps him. I have my own counselor who listens but doesn't seem to give me anything to do to bring me out of the depression. She says to keep doing things and the feelings will come back. So far they haven't.<br />
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I would like to enjoy my family instead of just go through the motions. I can't seem to sit still. The family likes to sit out in the backyard and grill. I can't sit there without having my laptop, phone or something to distract me all the time. I wish I could just sit and talk to people but I get anxious.<br />
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Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-91552739171506806682015-08-08T10:53:00.000-07:002015-08-08T10:53:05.964-07:00HallucinationsThe vacation was good. He talked to voices most of the time. Twice he left the house and couldn't find his way back. Once we found him and the other time the police brought him back. He had several minor anger outbursts. All were short lived and non-violent.<br />
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Last night he was yelling, "Stop it, No, Don't!" and crying. The next day I said something about him needing to get regulated on the medicine so he will be stable. When I mentioned this incident, he said that aliens were telling him that he was a rapist. He said, "Wouldn't you be upset if aliens were telling you that you were a rapist?" To him it is completely real.<br />
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Today everything has been fine. There haven't been any anger outbursts, voices, delusions or hallucinations. I need more time like this. I need peace. It's hard for me to care for him and not be anxious.<br />
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Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-80842663457798779662015-08-02T13:50:00.001-07:002015-08-02T13:50:18.423-07:00Raging adultsHe continues with daily anger outbursts. You can say the wrong thing and he can get upset or he can think of a time in his past where he was treated badly and it can turn into a rage. Yesterday he threw a cup of coffee. It's horrible to live in a situation so volatile. I hate it. I wonder how we will be able to take care of him long term if this is how it's going to be.<br />
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The psychiatrist recommended depakote to help with the mood swings. We tried 500 mg for a month and it didn't work. She increased it to 1000 mg and he has refused the pill. We have capsules that I can open up and put in his food but don't have enough to last a month because he was expected to take the pill.<br />
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We go on vacation tomorrow and my husband and I are both afraid of his anger outbursts. We can't have a good vacation if he's going to be raging.<br />
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Is there anyone out there dealing with a raging adult? How do you deal with it? If this was my husband I would know to leave the relationship but since this is my son with a mental disorder I can't walk away. The police told me on Thursday that we're going to continue having problems as long as he's in the house. I know he won't get his medicine for schizophrenia without me giving it to him everyday. He's also not responsible for his financial well being.<br />
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I can't picture him living a successful life on his own but we can't live with him and not be afraid. He will threaten to kill himself or my husband. I don't think he's capable of either but it's scary.<br />
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Usually what happens is he'll get angry about something, completely upset us and turn our day from good to bad. He'll get over it in 15 minutes and we're left with the pieces to pick up. Whether it's our feelings that are frayed or broken glass, or something he's spilled-there's always something to clean up.Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-36178729802001655542015-07-17T13:21:00.000-07:002015-07-29T16:35:58.200-07:00Drug problemWe've had days now of him talking to himself and laughing loudly. He seems psychotic. I don't know if it's drugs or schizophrenia. My main concern now is his anger outburst. I don't see how he can hold a job or go to college if he's going to get upset with people. The psychiatrist said that in his mental state he can't hold a job or go to college.<br />
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We know he took meth last week. I've read that anger outburst come from a withdrawal of meth. I don't know if this is what we are dealing with. We need a drug rehab. I talked to him about it and he said he likes to be at home. He thinks he can stop by himself. We need a way to monitor his money so that he doesn't use it on drugs.<br />
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He would like to go to college. Of course, I would like to see him be successful. My prayer is that he will become stable enough to go to college.<br />
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Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7136785716913226929.post-30820922751596836472015-07-05T15:19:00.001-07:002015-07-05T15:19:17.654-07:00Schizoaffective DisorderI feel we have had a crisis fed month. Our son threatened suicide several times one week end. We called the suicide hotline and they said to talk to his therapist. We went in for an appointment and was told that he is schizoaffective. He has a mood disorder in addition to the schizophrenia. She suggested a partial program. We started the partial program right away. The first few days were good. He liked the yoga and art classes. He got into one argument with a staff member because he wasn't in the group meeting he was suppose to be in. It went down hill from there. He continued to sit out of group and rejected help from the counselor and psychiatrist. He discharged himself after 5 days; it was a 10 day program. I felt we had been discarded. Help wasn't given to get him to stay in the program. We were just let go.<br />
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Two days later he cut himself so bad he needed 6 stitches. I went to his room to give him his medicine and his pants were completely soaked with blood. He had decided he would just bleed out. He had accepted death. We took him to the emergency room and they put him in a behavioral health unit. Again, I didn't think the hospital helped us as much as we needed. He went to the behavioral health unit on a Thursday night and was released on Saturday with no medicine changes.<br />
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We went back to the psychiatrist who increased the medicine he was on and added a mood stabilizer. We are on the second week of the changed meds. He laughs randomly so much that I worry about him.<br />
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I think the main concern now is the laughing. Last night we could hear him all night long laughing. He has laughed in his room all day today. He will talk to himself and laugh at himself. He has come to the kitchen a few times and continued laughing. I worry about him.Anghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12124103161878498585noreply@blogger.com0