Tuesday, May 20, 2014


I am using this as an outlet for my frustration. My son, who has paranoid schizophrenia, has just called me a bitch for the 6th time this month. He uses it as a weapon. I told him he was acting like an idiot when he threw something at his dad last week and now he's angry that I called him a name.

Today when I got home from work, he came downstairs and I proceeded to tell him what I bought him at the grocery store. There was no response. I keep trying to teach him social graces so I said, "Did you hear me?" He said, "No" and I repeated it. He said, "I told myself I wouldn't eat pears." I said, "I didn't buy you pears." Which he responded that he hadn't heard anything after bagels. I repeated the list which sent him into a tirade because he has thoughts in his head and I keep talking. Well he continued to talk, I stopped. I would say after calling me names, and lots of yelling, he went to his room after what seemed like a long time but was probably 5 minutes.

I hate being yelled at. I hate being called names. All I can see is that I went and bought him food and I am treated like crap. His point of view is that he wanted a quiet environment and I talked to him. Sometimes he will say please don't talk to me-which I feel is rude-but is better than what I just went through.

Finding the balance between understanding that he has voices that makes it hard for him to concentrate and wanting him to respond when he is talked to, is hard. I want him to treat people with kindness and the kindness seems to be getting less frequent.

He reduced his anti-psychotic medication and it's just not controlling the symptoms like I would like. He also walked into traffic during a psychotic episode and broke his leg in several places. I'm sure the leg doesn't feel great and he's having trouble getting around. He gets tired quickly.

I'm ready for a period of calmness. We don't seem to get through more than a couple of days without having an angry episode.

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