Several years ago, before we had the diagnosis of schizophrenia, I wrote that I wished I could fast forward 10 years. I thought that by then my work situation would be better, my son would be better, my older two children would be out of the house and married. I thought I would be teaching, loving some grandchildren and all would be at peace. We are closer now to that 10 year point. My oldest is out of the house, enjoying his job, and dating someone. My daughter is working, going to college and thinking of marriage. My youngest is stable.
I no longer wish for the future to hurry up and get here. As it says in the bible, "Today has enough trouble of its own." I no longer wish for the future because I am content in today. I am very proud of all 3 kids and I have the best husband.
I live in the present and I'm thankful for my husband filling my tires up with air and putting gas in the car. I'm thankful for the conversation on the phone with my son and hearing how he loves the big city. I'm thankful for my daughter cooking dinner and I'm proud to have the time with my youngest getting groceries.
I no longer wish for the future (sometimes I fear the future). But mostly I want to live in today and recognize the blessings. I can see how God has brought us through the valley of the shadow of death. I'm happy where we are today. I cannot say I am happy that we went through the trials but I can say I'm glad we made it to the other side. It took a lot of prayer, a lot of memorizing scripture, and a lot of talk therapy to get us to the other side. I can say living in the present is far better than living in the past, and I don't want to yearn for the future; I want to accept the present.
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