At a better place

I've finally got some answers. The psychiatrist said that the anger is absolutely part of the mental illness. The person we see between episodes is the real him. This was good to hear because when you are in the middle of it trying to give consequences it doesn't work. Now we just ride it out and talk to him about it as the need arises.

We are back to normal now. No yelling, or talking to himself. We are able to have a conversation. All is well.

I think I am feeling better not only because he is well but because I got a job offer. I was able to quit what I was doing (that I was getting very frustrated with) and return to working at the school. Hopefully this will give me the outlet I so desperately need.

Yesterday was peaceful. A nice morning in church and then some light housework.

It's still hard to talk about mental illness and the toll it takes on the family. I can't imagine the load it puts on the person with the mental illness. It is easier to get through the episodes now. I keep my composure somewhat better. I try to keep smiling and realize he doesn't mean much of what he says.

Yes, life is good right now. My babies are all safe and happy. I appreciate my husband and all he does. I'm at a better place.

It's ruled it's ugly head

After 7 months of being virtually symptom free, we are back in turmoil. He has not being taking his medicine consistently and started with an angry outburst 10 days ago. This time has been different because the first few days we had mania (he was very happy) and he had a day of disorganized speech. Then the aggression started. He has been aggressive every night the last 4 nights.

I don't know what is part of schizophrenia or bi-polar and what he should be able to control. One time I told him to stop cussing and he said "The girl made me cuss and I get the consequences." Another time he kept saying that he wished the "guy" would stop and that he hated being this way.

Is the anger and cussing which has been the major symptoms of the last 10 days part of the mental illness? If so he is going to hit someone at some point and end up in jail. At one point, he grabbed his dad's arm digging his fingers in his arm and biting him. His dad now has 2 different cuts and redness on his arm. He said that he did it because he wouldn't stop talking. I have seen him get frustrated with people talking many times. It's not like we can be on guard to not talk to him too much.

This episode is very different because he can seem fine. He can be very coherent. He can reason. I'm so confused about what to expect from him. We go to the psychiatrist tomorrow but I don't expect answers. I hope I'm wrong. I probably should join a support group. I need answers and I'm not getting the help I need.