I saw God wink

God winked at me. I know that he did. Sometimes you just know that you are pleasing God.

We spent hours shopping for Christmas and it was constant conversation with the kids. Jacob (13) loves to hear stories of when he was little. He laughs and smiles and seems to enjoy every story. Justin (21) will say "Mom, I don't want to hear that" or "Why didn't you stop me?" He finds it all so embarrassing. Chelsea (19) smiles when I talk about her silly 2 and 3 year old escapades and I can read her mind, "Mom, is being Mom and I will endure."

God winked at me and loves me and I love the memories. Forward and Upward to more beautiful memories.

My baby

I have been pondering as I go through this afternoon how I can have a more grateful spirit. I so want to say that I already do, but I know that I can get depressed. Can you get depressed when you are grateful? The two seem opposite.

Three years or less ago I was told that my daughter needed a new therapist because they just could not help her. The next therapist said she was dark inside. The next said they had never seen anyone so depressed. Finally we were told we could get hospitalization that she desperately needed if we moved to Texas. Within 2 weeks we had moved.

I don't know if all the hospitalizations helped Chelsea. I don't know how far a long she is now. I don't see the dark side. When I see her, she is happy, thankful, loving and so very much the little girl I love so much.

When you are in the midst of struggle with someone you love...gratitude is not always there, and I think God understands. I will be grateful. Life will always be hard because I feel too much but I am very grateful that Chelsea has come so far.

Tis the season

Justin has always wanted to keep the traditions. I remember when he was in 4th grade and demanded we make a gingerbread house because we always make a gingerbread house and it is our tradition!

Now Justin is 21 and working and realizes some things need to be tweaked but we can still have our traditions. We didn't put up the tree on Thanksgiving day because he and Chelsea both went to work in the afternoon. We did put the tree up Friday, we will put the lights on the house today and take in a Christmas movie Sunday. Got to work around the kids work schedules but we have the Christmas spirit.

Merry Christmas to all!!

No worries

A parent of one of my students likes to say "no worries." Each time she says it I let out a deep breath and release some worry.

We took the time to get away to the coast 2 weeks ago and it was so good to relax. I did lesson plan before the family woke up, but I didn't worry about anything. I do love to lesson plan and figure out how to help my babies (students) learn.

Everyone needs this time to relax. I think I have gone through a period where I refused myself the time to relax and not worry.

I have now found out that not only do I have a mother with cancer but also a father with cancer. Not a good family medical history. I was told by a very wise niece that something good could come. I want to have a spirit of gratitude in the midst of the storm.

No worries.

Just Happy

Glad to start the week. The weather has been so Fall like-cool for Texas. This week I teach a Dr. Seuss unit and Bats for our nocturnal unit. Just so very excited. Happy with my children. Chelsea is getting on track, Justin has adjusted to the move to San Antonio and Jacob has made lots of friends at his new school.

And the very, very best...planning our 25th wedding anniversary. Glad to have spent 25 years with Paul. He's such a good person.

Dad

It is hard to have a conversation with dad these days. His memory is gone most of the time. He asks the same questions over and over not remembering things from seconds before.

I was thinking this morning of when I got back from a 3 week trip to Europe. I had just graduated high school. I was ready to move out of the house. I was going to live in a dorm at college. While at Europe, I had made a daily log of what I had done each day. Dad sat and read every page asking me questions about what I had written. At that time there seemed to be very little dad and I had to talk about. I no longer wanted to ride behind him on motorcycle rides or play putt putt golf. Thinking back as a 40 something adult, dad made the effort to be involved in my life by reading my Europe diary.

May every parent be involved in their child's life.

Am I willing to learn?

"We are not what we know but what we are willing to learn" Mary Catherine Bateson

Going through lots of thinking when I hear how much my dad has lost with his memory. I want to learn more about what is going on, how to take care of him but there is such a fear of the unknown.

I would like to drive him to Georgia to see his family there, but if he has trouble with bowel movements....can I handle that? What can I handle? I know I am not as fragile as I use to be. Pondering just what I can do. How can I help? Am I willing to learn how to care for him?