Psychosis and Mental Illness

On August 16, 2020, my 24 year old son went into psychosis again. He'd been stable for 2+ years so this a real blow. We had high hopes he could get a job, an apartment of his own, maybe take some college classes. Now we're back to square one.

The way he presents in schizoaffective disorder is with paranoia, outburst of laughter, highs and lows, irritability, both visual and auditory hallucinations and then when the phychosis peaks he attacks both his environment and the people around him in anger.

For 2 weeks he had been psychotic but happy and safe around us. Then the voices became too much for him and he started cutting himself. We felt we needed to hospitalize him to keep him safe. Before anything could be done, he hit his brother twice in the neck.

The 3 mental hospitals in town were full. We started calling around trying to find out what to do. We knew, by this time, he was a danger to himself and others. He has a theme when the voices are angry. He always talks about sex. He screams that he's not a pedophile or that he's being raped. He'll scream to get off of him and stop raping him. This time a neighbor called the police. 3 officers confirmed that he was safe and not being hurt by me (I was the only one with him at the time).

He continued to reek havok in his environment. He tore a door off the hinges, turned plants upside down, broke 6 plates and multiple vases. He hit holes in his bedroom wall and destroyed his laptop computer. He told his dad to stop looking at his butt. Before his dad could react, he'd hit his dad in the eye.

It was a dangerous ride but my husband drove our son to the nearest ER. It was 3 days before a bed opened in a mental hospital. He stayed in the ER during this time. Once at the mental hospital, they increased his medicine and added one more. They discharged after 10 days.

Its now one week after discharge and he's still psychotic, hearing voices, yelling at the voices, laughing randomly. He stays in his room and doesn't eat much.

This is caregiving severe mental illness. There is little to no help.

Major Depressive Disorder

I've had many episodes of major depressive disorder over the years. Most are kicked off by an event, my husband going to war, my son being diagnosed with schizophrenia..., but this last episode started when I had a medication change. I have not been able to find a substitute medication in the last year and a half. My mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness in February, and passed away June 10 so I am struggling. I thought it might help to relay how my depression is presenting.

I am going through my days in a fog. Every step seems to be a push to get it accomplished. I wake up 45 minutes before I need to get on the computer to start work. This is just enough time to get coffee and comb my hair. Thinking is a difficult task so I leave myself many sticky notes to avoid as much "brain" work as I can.

I smile. I talk to people. I encourage. I cry easily. I over-think. Every relationship is now being scrutinized. I feel so over-whelmed. When mom first died, many people sent cards and I couldn't read them. I didn't want to see that she was gone. Now I read them. I thank people for sending them. I feel the pain. I live in the moment.

Most days I get little accomplished. I may go to the grocery store. I may cook dinner, write some thank you cards, go to the gym. I'm thankful my family is taking up the slack. I sit in my recliner and pull the blanket up around my neck. The blanket (no matter hot I am) keeps me safe. My anxiety is high.

This is my day. I am in a fog. I live in the moment. I get little accomplished. I am making it though. I am moving forward. I am setting goals for the future and what I want to accomplish. Check back with me.