Psychosis and Mental Illness

On August 16, 2020, my 24 year old son went into psychosis again. He'd been stable for 2+ years so this a real blow. We had high hopes he could get a job, an apartment of his own, maybe take some college classes. Now we're back to square one.

The way he presents in schizoaffective disorder is with paranoia, outburst of laughter, highs and lows, irritability, both visual and auditory hallucinations and then when the phychosis peaks he attacks both his environment and the people around him in anger.

For 2 weeks he had been psychotic but happy and safe around us. Then the voices became too much for him and he started cutting himself. We felt we needed to hospitalize him to keep him safe. Before anything could be done, he hit his brother twice in the neck.

The 3 mental hospitals in town were full. We started calling around trying to find out what to do. We knew, by this time, he was a danger to himself and others. He has a theme when the voices are angry. He always talks about sex. He screams that he's not a pedophile or that he's being raped. He'll scream to get off of him and stop raping him. This time a neighbor called the police. 3 officers confirmed that he was safe and not being hurt by me (I was the only one with him at the time).

He continued to reek havok in his environment. He tore a door off the hinges, turned plants upside down, broke 6 plates and multiple vases. He hit holes in his bedroom wall and destroyed his laptop computer. He told his dad to stop looking at his butt. Before his dad could react, he'd hit his dad in the eye.

It was a dangerous ride but my husband drove our son to the nearest ER. It was 3 days before a bed opened in a mental hospital. He stayed in the ER during this time. Once at the mental hospital, they increased his medicine and added one more. They discharged after 10 days.

Its now one week after discharge and he's still psychotic, hearing voices, yelling at the voices, laughing randomly. He stays in his room and doesn't eat much.

This is caregiving severe mental illness. There is little to no help.

Major Depressive Disorder

I've had many episodes of major depressive disorder over the years. Most are kicked off by an event, my husband going to war, my son being diagnosed with schizophrenia..., but this last episode started when I had a medication change. I have not been able to find a substitute medication in the last year and a half. My mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness in February, and passed away June 10 so I am struggling. I thought it might help to relay how my depression is presenting.

I am going through my days in a fog. Every step seems to be a push to get it accomplished. I wake up 45 minutes before I need to get on the computer to start work. This is just enough time to get coffee and comb my hair. Thinking is a difficult task so I leave myself many sticky notes to avoid as much "brain" work as I can.

I smile. I talk to people. I encourage. I cry easily. I over-think. Every relationship is now being scrutinized. I feel so over-whelmed. When mom first died, many people sent cards and I couldn't read them. I didn't want to see that she was gone. Now I read them. I thank people for sending them. I feel the pain. I live in the moment.

Most days I get little accomplished. I may go to the grocery store. I may cook dinner, write some thank you cards, go to the gym. I'm thankful my family is taking up the slack. I sit in my recliner and pull the blanket up around my neck. The blanket (no matter hot I am) keeps me safe. My anxiety is high.

This is my day. I am in a fog. I live in the moment. I get little accomplished. I am making it though. I am moving forward. I am setting goals for the future and what I want to accomplish. Check back with me.

TMS treatment 14

This is Day 14 of TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation). I haven’t posted about it because I’ve had a hard time. I’ve had a couple of medicine changes and a sinus infection on top of the brain stimulation. They had me at a very high threshold so the pulses would make me cry it hurt so much. At Day 11, they remapped and were able to lower the intensity of the pulses I feel. I watch “The Office” during treatments and today I was able to focus on the show and not the TMS. Soon I hope to be over the sinus infection and be able to tell if the treatment is making any difference in mood. I’d like to see a change in my motivation! I’ve taken this week off from everything except teaching and the treatments to try and feel better!

Depression

I've had depression for over 20 years. I've been on medication for 20 years and have seen a therapist for most of that time. I have recently become medicine resistant so I was given the opportunity to try TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation). This treatment did nothing to help me. It caused my anxiety to become much more severe. When they tried right side stimulation in the TMS, I became very irritable. Now the TMS is over and I am anxious, depressed, irritable and having a hard time with life.

I have all the skills to do well. I know how to count my blessings and do this daily. I am in constant prayer. I believe in a God that is involved in our lives. I believe I will be well again.

Right now, it is 4 days until Thanksgiving. I have written the list of food to be prepared for our big meal. I have also started Christmas shopping. I am right on track but find no joy in the festivities that have brought me joy in the past.

Depression and TMS

I haven’t written much about my depression but thought it might be helpful to write some things out. I’ve had 7 sessions of TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. I’ve had a very rough time. I’m finding the treatments painful. On top of that I’ve had terrible depression. On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d be a 10.

I have Tardive Dyskinesia, a condition that causes me to have involuntary movements in my hands, feet, toes, mouth, and ankles. I was prescribed Austedo to help with the condition and it made my depression worse. I wasn’t sure if it was the TMS, or the zoloft causing the depression. Now I’m thinking it was the Austedo.

My mood is very low. I’m not finding joy but I also have many physical symptoms (which could be the zoloft). I have headaches, nausea, and general aches and pains. My hope is that I will feel better once the Austedo is out of my system.

I will have 36 treatments of TMS for my depression. I will update on how the TMS is going.

Dealing with Major Depressive Disorder with TMS

I was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression 20 years ago. I’ve tried many different medications. This year I was diagnosed with Tardive Dyskensia from a medication I was taking called vraylar. Because of this, I started looking for a new medication to help me.

After several trials and horrible side effects, my doctor suggested TMS. My first thought was-I’m not that bad off!!! He said that I did indeed have Major Depressive Disorder. I started looking into and the thought of this procedure helping me gave me tremendous hope!

I had my first TMS treatment a few hours ago and would like to share for those who are interested.

This initial treatment took about an hour because they did mapping and measurements of my head and a threshold test to determine what level to set the machine at. I will be using the Neuro Star rTMS. The initial pulses for mapping were tolerable but when they started the first treatment, it was mildly painful. On a scale of 1-10, it was a 6. I had pain just over my left eyebrow.

Immediately after treatment, I felt fine to drive and even went to volunteer at NAMI. I drove home feeling slightly nauseous, and anxious and I’m now relaxing.

I do feel drained but that may be the depression or just the anticipation of the procedure. I took Tylenol earlier but still have a mild headache; nothing too extreme but enough to be annoying.

I believe I’ll have 32 treatments covered by insurance! I’m ready to feel better.

Guardianship

Four years ago we decided to get guardianship on my son's 18th birthday. We wanted to make sure that we would be able to access his medical records when he becomes psychotic. We've used it a few times in the last 4 years. I think it is beneficial. What I don't know is if my son will continue to get better and not need us to have guardianship.

Since March he has not been psychotic. We have not seen him hearing voices or seeing hallucinations. I love seeing him get better. Just the last few weeks he has started smiling and laughing. I am seeing him return to us after many years of troubling behavior.

The fact is he is still schizoaffective and may need us to have the guardianship. We went to court Friday to file the annual report and keep the guardianship.