I've finally got some answers. The psychiatrist said that the anger is absolutely part of the mental illness. The person we see between episodes is the real him. This was good to hear because when you are in the middle of it trying to give consequences it doesn't work. Now we just ride it out and talk to him about it as the need arises.
We are back to normal now. No yelling, or talking to himself. We are able to have a conversation. All is well.
I think I am feeling better not only because he is well but because I got a job offer. I was able to quit what I was doing (that I was getting very frustrated with) and return to working at the school. Hopefully this will give me the outlet I so desperately need.
Yesterday was peaceful. A nice morning in church and then some light housework.
It's still hard to talk about mental illness and the toll it takes on the family. I can't imagine the load it puts on the person with the mental illness. It is easier to get through the episodes now. I keep my composure somewhat better. I try to keep smiling and realize he doesn't mean much of what he says.
Yes, life is good right now. My babies are all safe and happy. I appreciate my husband and all he does. I'm at a better place.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
It's ruled it's ugly head
After 7 months of being virtually symptom free, we are back in turmoil. He has not being taking his medicine consistently and started with an angry outburst 10 days ago. This time has been different because the first few days we had mania (he was very happy) and he had a day of disorganized speech. Then the aggression started. He has been aggressive every night the last 4 nights.
I don't know what is part of schizophrenia or bi-polar and what he should be able to control. One time I told him to stop cussing and he said "The girl made me cuss and I get the consequences." Another time he kept saying that he wished the "guy" would stop and that he hated being this way.
Is the anger and cussing which has been the major symptoms of the last 10 days part of the mental illness? If so he is going to hit someone at some point and end up in jail. At one point, he grabbed his dad's arm digging his fingers in his arm and biting him. His dad now has 2 different cuts and redness on his arm. He said that he did it because he wouldn't stop talking. I have seen him get frustrated with people talking many times. It's not like we can be on guard to not talk to him too much.
This episode is very different because he can seem fine. He can be very coherent. He can reason. I'm so confused about what to expect from him. We go to the psychiatrist tomorrow but I don't expect answers. I hope I'm wrong. I probably should join a support group. I need answers and I'm not getting the help I need.
I don't know what is part of schizophrenia or bi-polar and what he should be able to control. One time I told him to stop cussing and he said "The girl made me cuss and I get the consequences." Another time he kept saying that he wished the "guy" would stop and that he hated being this way.
Is the anger and cussing which has been the major symptoms of the last 10 days part of the mental illness? If so he is going to hit someone at some point and end up in jail. At one point, he grabbed his dad's arm digging his fingers in his arm and biting him. His dad now has 2 different cuts and redness on his arm. He said that he did it because he wouldn't stop talking. I have seen him get frustrated with people talking many times. It's not like we can be on guard to not talk to him too much.
This episode is very different because he can seem fine. He can be very coherent. He can reason. I'm so confused about what to expect from him. We go to the psychiatrist tomorrow but I don't expect answers. I hope I'm wrong. I probably should join a support group. I need answers and I'm not getting the help I need.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Life without major symptoms
He has been virtually symptom free for 7 months. We have not seen him act manic, hear voices, have delusions, or have disorganized speech. Paranoia rules its ugly head from time to time and he can also give human feelings to objects.
The paranoia I take with a grain of salt. Maybe I should be more concerned. I just don't see it disrupting his life. Some of the things he is paranoid about are-he believes we should not come in his room with shoes on because it will contaminate the area. He believes his dad is out to get him. He has overheard people talking on their cell phone and thought they were talking about him. He believes that fluoride disrupts dreams.
He frequently gives human feelings to objects. He names his plants and is very concerned with how they are treated. He believes that water goes through bends and curves and thus becomes unhappy. Since the tap water is unhappy, he only drinks bottled water.
The months without schizophrenic episodes have helped me heal. I'm not in a constant fear of what he'll do. He still can get frustrated when talked to too often but is generally in a good mood. He gets together with friends. He smiles and laughs. He enjoys life. This helps me to enjoy life also.
The paranoia I take with a grain of salt. Maybe I should be more concerned. I just don't see it disrupting his life. Some of the things he is paranoid about are-he believes we should not come in his room with shoes on because it will contaminate the area. He believes his dad is out to get him. He has overheard people talking on their cell phone and thought they were talking about him. He believes that fluoride disrupts dreams.
He frequently gives human feelings to objects. He names his plants and is very concerned with how they are treated. He believes that water goes through bends and curves and thus becomes unhappy. Since the tap water is unhappy, he only drinks bottled water.
The months without schizophrenic episodes have helped me heal. I'm not in a constant fear of what he'll do. He still can get frustrated when talked to too often but is generally in a good mood. He gets together with friends. He smiles and laughs. He enjoys life. This helps me to enjoy life also.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Vegan dessert
Taken from Facebook:
3 mashed bananas
1/3 cup applesauce
2 cups oats
1/4 cup almond milk
1/2 cup raisins (optional)
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. cinnamon
Bake at 350 for 15 to 20 minutes
3 mashed bananas
1/3 cup applesauce
2 cups oats
1/4 cup almond milk
1/2 cup raisins (optional)
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. cinnamon
Bake at 350 for 15 to 20 minutes
Monday, October 21, 2013
Purpose in life
John 9:1-3 "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him."
God has a plan for everyone. I love how Jesus says that the blind man was born to fulfill God's glory.
As I look at my life, I have seen purpose through-out the years but have come to a wall when it came to mental illness. I see so much purpose being lost. The fact is God told us that the illness was given so that God's glory would be revealed.
I feel very comforted that whether the illness was healed as in the blind man or not healed as in Paul's thorn in the flesh, the person still has a purpose to fulfill.
God has a plan for everyone. I love how Jesus says that the blind man was born to fulfill God's glory.
As I look at my life, I have seen purpose through-out the years but have come to a wall when it came to mental illness. I see so much purpose being lost. The fact is God told us that the illness was given so that God's glory would be revealed.
I feel very comforted that whether the illness was healed as in the blind man or not healed as in Paul's thorn in the flesh, the person still has a purpose to fulfill.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
When you realize you have empathy
I never could have guessed what was going to happen. I saw another person for the first time with voices and delusions like my son. Last school year I home schooled a 5th grader with autism. I was told he had mental illness too but I never saw it. His mother told me of anger outburst but I don't think I ever witnessed anything that I would consider abnormal.
Yesterday I was called and asked to home school this boy again. I said we could do a trial week and see how it goes. I could not believe my eyes and ears. This boy was talking of spirits. He worried the teapot on my stove was a caldron. He worried the small witch standing on the table was a voodoo doll. He stood on the furniture and screamed to God that he wanted to do what was right. He tearfully cried that he didn't want to have this illness. He called it bi-polar.
I was shook up for hours after he left. I have the same reaction when my son has psychotic moments. It was comforting to know that others also have this problem, but very sad that people have to suffer for voices and delusions they cannot control.
I am left with an emptiness of not knowing how to help. I feel I am more equipped than most to deal with the mental illness of this child but I don't know that my son should hear the screaming of someone else's suffering. This boy is on lithium. I question how long he has been on it and if its had enough time to work. I know my son continued to hear voices on zyprexa. It seems latuda has worked best for him.
My son has not had a psychotic episode in 3 months. I totally understand the seriousness this family goes through with their child. I understand they've had police called on their child and he's only 11. It's a long hard road but maybe I am entering a new level by working with someone else with mental illness. I do know I understand.
Yesterday I was called and asked to home school this boy again. I said we could do a trial week and see how it goes. I could not believe my eyes and ears. This boy was talking of spirits. He worried the teapot on my stove was a caldron. He worried the small witch standing on the table was a voodoo doll. He stood on the furniture and screamed to God that he wanted to do what was right. He tearfully cried that he didn't want to have this illness. He called it bi-polar.
I was shook up for hours after he left. I have the same reaction when my son has psychotic moments. It was comforting to know that others also have this problem, but very sad that people have to suffer for voices and delusions they cannot control.
I am left with an emptiness of not knowing how to help. I feel I am more equipped than most to deal with the mental illness of this child but I don't know that my son should hear the screaming of someone else's suffering. This boy is on lithium. I question how long he has been on it and if its had enough time to work. I know my son continued to hear voices on zyprexa. It seems latuda has worked best for him.
My son has not had a psychotic episode in 3 months. I totally understand the seriousness this family goes through with their child. I understand they've had police called on their child and he's only 11. It's a long hard road but maybe I am entering a new level by working with someone else with mental illness. I do know I understand.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Mental Illness can be scary
I can almost say without a doubt that my son is not taking his anti-psychotic medicine. We've had more than 2 months of him being stable. We have gone out to eat, to movies, to the beach, to the grocery store. When he is psychotic nothing is easy. Leaving him alone or taking him with me can be anxiety filled.
It's like I'm counting the days for another episode. I sit on the couch just so I'll be there if anything happens. Sometimes my life shuts down. I haven't let that happen lately. I've kept going, but I do worry that he will have another scary episode. You never know what is going to happen-anger, sadness, voices, delusions, or mania.
I read an article on depression (http://ldsliving.com/story/72557-nine-things-you-shouldnt-say-to-a-depressed-loved-one-and-what-to-say-instead). I can relate to this article because I believe just like my son's schizophrenia that he has no control over, depression is also not a choice. What people say and how they react to you makes a difference in how your day goes.
After reading the article, I realized that I had many of the same frustrations. I count my blessings through-out the day and still feel the anxiety that comes from dealing with someone suffering from schizophrenia.
The last diagnosis was severe schizophrenia with a poor prognosis. This was HORRIBLE to hear. Mental illness is scary. People need to be educated that they can be a friend to those suffering with mental illness.
It's like I'm counting the days for another episode. I sit on the couch just so I'll be there if anything happens. Sometimes my life shuts down. I haven't let that happen lately. I've kept going, but I do worry that he will have another scary episode. You never know what is going to happen-anger, sadness, voices, delusions, or mania.
I read an article on depression (http://ldsliving.com/story/72557-nine-things-you-shouldnt-say-to-a-depressed-loved-one-and-what-to-say-instead). I can relate to this article because I believe just like my son's schizophrenia that he has no control over, depression is also not a choice. What people say and how they react to you makes a difference in how your day goes.
After reading the article, I realized that I had many of the same frustrations. I count my blessings through-out the day and still feel the anxiety that comes from dealing with someone suffering from schizophrenia.
The last diagnosis was severe schizophrenia with a poor prognosis. This was HORRIBLE to hear. Mental illness is scary. People need to be educated that they can be a friend to those suffering with mental illness.
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