Summer!!

I've got a few things started that I wanted to get done this summer. I've got about 5 weeks left which should be plenty if not too much time. Without a schedule things are taking much longer than they normally would. Example: Woke up this morning at 8! I had already missed Fox and Friends, but continued on. I worked on the pillow I am making with Dad's neckties, and I studied for the Reading Specialty test then I got in the hot tub to relax--now 11:00. By 12:30 I did finally get dressed for the day. I am loving unscheduled days. Here is the pillow so far. With the amount of ties dad had, I could make 4 or 5 pillows, if I have the stamina.

Taking it slow

I've had 3 weeks since school ended. I've had time to relax, read, and catch up with stuff that life throws us when we REALLY don't want to accept it. Now, refreshed, I can get on with my summer. I have 2 weeks before my ethics class starts, and then 4 weeks after that the Masters degree will be finished! The sun is shining, the grass is green, there are new exciting units of study to plan for, crafts to create, and places to explore.

Going through dad's things last week, I got a whole box of ties to make something out of. I know there is a craft in there somewhere. I have all these great ideas that I want to plan for next year. I am not positive which grade I will teach, but I want to start the planning process.

Oh the places we go.

The year 2020

Instead of getting the grant written up for my graduate class, or doing laundry, or washing dishes, or planning for VBS next week, I thought I would purge myself of the thoughts creating this headache that is keeping me from being productive.

I am at a good place right now. I love my husband and children more than life itself and they know that. I also have a career that I love.

The problem is not letting all the stresses keep me from appreciating what I have. Yes, I feel I need to look for a more stable job. Yes, I wish Chelsea was more stable. Jacob is going to highschool. Justin is going to study in France. Both are scary for me. I don't think my children are worried. I hope not. I pray they are able to function without the anxiety that I seem to create for myself.

I have decided to put myself in the mode of looking toward the year 2020. I find tomorrow unpredictable, next year unpredictable, but somehow 2020 looks very good. I see myself teaching and should have found my stable job by then, the kids will have all moved out and found their paths by then and it will be me and Paul enjoying life.

Yes, life is good in 2020.

Onward and Upward

I've been in a constant whirl wind of learning since I started my master's degree in 2008. I think I am just about ready to stop--seriously just not have to think anymore yet here I am typing away trying to get all my thinking documented.

The days seem to be filled with trying to figure out life: how to enhance others lives and refine our own lives. It would be nice to wake up, look in the mirror, and confidently know that God is leading the day. There are days that I do that. Then there are days that I wake up sure of the fact that without a conscience effort to bless others with my speech that I will drain others of their confidence. There are so many forces in the environment that impact how we react to the world.

May the positives propel us forward and the negatives not get us down. Onward and upward.

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what if doesn't have. Love trusts God always. Love looks for the best. Love never looks back, but keeps going to the end.

Covey: Understand what others are saying before seeking to be understood.

Future not that scary

Food for thought: The reason people find it hard to be happy is they see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.

Past: Sometimes I find myself thinking of when was really happy and want to go there, but it is never the same.

Present: I see the happiness of the present, but worry about things going on in the present.

Future: No grip on what it will be and worry there too.

Too much worrying going on.

The future doesn't have to be scary. I've heard people say to live in the present. Take it one day at a time. I probably do see the future less resolved than it will be and the present worse than it is. The future does not have to be scary, and worrying about it doesn't make it better.

Waiting for ...

I wonder how people wait for death and keep their sanity. I am in a position now where my dad is dying. I wait for the phone calls from siblings, and know the phone call might be saying dad has passed away.

The wait. I don't like the wait. I don't like the idea of the phone ringing. There is more negativety. So little positive to focus on. How do people do it?

Too much unrest. Too much, too much.

I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go. Comfort. Comfort is what I need. Been there before. Wanting comfort.

Too hard. Too much.