From the computer

Life is calm and the waters are still

2012-02-18T12:31:00.000-08:00

The waters are still. It's a good feeling when you aren't in the midst of a storm. We started our son on Haloperidol Decanoate Injections on Feb. 8th. Three days after the injection, he started having muscle spasms that made normal activities difficult. His answer was to remain completely still and ended up sleeping for almost 3 days. The doctor recommended benodryl and said the spasms were the result of the injection being administered into muscle not a reaction to the medication. We will see what happens after the next injection (next month).

He has returned to school for half days and we hope to increase the time at school in the next week. Life is calm. He is functioning well at home, school and church. I like to see my babies okay.

Lemon Pasta

2012-02-17T16:51:00.000-08:00

6 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons lemon juice
2 teaspoons garlic powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
8 oz. frozen mixed vegetables
pasta
Boil pasta and vegetables together. In small bowl mix olive oil, lemon, garlic, salt, and pepper. When pasta and vegetables are ready, drain and coat in oil mixture, stirring well. Serve.

Pass the beans

2012-02-15T15:07:00.000-08:00

I've got a good recipe called Calico beans (bbq beans and hamburger meat casserole) that was passed to me by Frances Allesandro in Atwater, California years ago. Since then, we've made some fun varieties of chili with beans-no meat. Most recently I found a great recipe for crock pot roast and beans. Here are the vegan chili and crock pot roast and bean recipes, both of which I modified from other recipes I have seen.

Vegan Chili

1-19 ounce can tomato
2 T ground chili powder
1 teaspoon unsweetened cocoa powder
2 teaspoons ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon crushed red chili pepper
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
4 cups cooked beans
1 1/2 cups tomato sauce

Simmer for 1 hour.

Crock pot roast and beans

1 can northern white beans
3 lb roast dredged in flour
1 can roasted tomato
1 can tomato paste
1 cup water
1 pkg. Lipton onio soup mix

Add to crock pot covering roast with liquids. Cook on low for 8-10 hours.

Bible Verses

2012-02-05T06:42:00.000-08:00

Bible Verses

2012-02-05T04:23:00.000-08:00

More Smoothie Ideas

2012-02-04T12:54:00.000-08:00

Jacob has had this peanut butter smoothie several times.

8 oz. soymilk

1 banana

1/2 cup fruit

1/2 T. flax seed

2 T. peanut butter

Place all ingredients in a blender until smooth.

He prefers the berry smoothie:

8 oz. juice (cranapple, grape, etc..)

1 banana

1/2 cup frozen fruit (mango, pineapple,....)

1/2 cup kale

grated carrot

2 T. tofu

Blend in blender until smooth.

Let us continue on...

2012-02-03T11:46:00.000-08:00

As we travel through life, there are hurdles. I was listening to KLOVE this week and I will paraphrase what I think I heard. It is through the trials of life that proves our strength in God. If we were never touched by Satan then it would appear Satan doesn't see us as a threat. Satan certainly tempted Jesus. If we are tempted, it is just another way we are following the footsteps of Christ.

It is our job to overcome Satan, follow God and become stronger through the process. We are dealing with psychosis in the family and it isn't easy. The disease is frightening when you see it turn your child into someone else.

Through the "episodes" we are seeing Satan at his best, but I can visualize God holding us. My husband and I are standing strong against Satan. Satan hits us where we are most emotional and my children and my marriage are the closest relationships to my heart. As we go through the disease, try to find treatment, and all the trial and error...it is easy to want to not pursue God faithfully.

Let us continue on in Christ.

Veganism

2012-01-24T13:59:00.001-08:00

Just like anything, veganism can go too far. I have been very hesitant to say this, because it is my son's passion. He's a sensitive, bright, deep thinking child who has come to the decision to be vegan over many years.

When he was as young as 5, allergy testing showed a sensitivity to beef and chicken so I gave him other foods, keeping everything he was allergic to to a minimum.

In 4th grade two things happened: He saw a movie showing chickens in cramped cages, and he went to the San Diego zoo where he saw cages marked endangered species, and at this point he decided to be a vegetarian.

Jacob made this choice because he wanted to do his part to not support the endangerment of animals. We supported him in every way we could, and he never ate meat (now it's been 7 years without eating meat).

A year ago he became vegan. He decided he didn't want to support any company that would use animals in their products so he cut out gelatin, dairy, honey, eggs, and any product that he cannot prove wasn't tested on animals. This ethical veganism is disturbing to me. It is not that we prove animals were hurt in the creation of the product to not use it, it is that we have to prove they were not used in any way in the making of the product in order to use it. If we do not know then Jacob's default is to not eat or use the product. That can mean not using deodorant or not brushing teeth.

I believe he's gone too far, and I'm almost ready to stand up and say it. (Not that I've never told him my frustration. I've just respected his taking a stance that I wanted to support him.) I think anything can go too far. I believe it's wrong to keep animals in cramped conditions, but are these animals unhappy? I know God says he cares about the sparrows, but I don't think he cares about the sparrows over the people.

Yesterday it was soap. He wanted soap that was not tested on animals. I don't see how testing soap on animals can hurt them even if they were in cages as the tests were being conducted. I told him this. We bought the Jason body wash that is vegan approved (and more expensive).

I will never expect anyone to believe exactly as I do, and they cannot force me to believe as they do. I believe God loves his creation, but my conscience is not affected by eating commercially raised animals or using any soap, shampoo, toothpaste, deodorant...that is on the market.

Sourdough bread and onion soup (vegan)

2012-01-24T13:41:00.000-08:00

8 oz. sourdough bread
3 large sweet onions
3 large garlic cloves
2 1/2 cups vegetable broth
1 tsp. dried thyme
1 cup soy milk
3 oz. Crisco baking stick (butter flavor)

Cube the bread and toast in Crisco. Cut onion in length pieces and add to bread. Add thyme and garlic and cook for 20 minutes. Add milk, broth, salt and pepper. Simmer soup for 10 minutes.

Time for everything

2012-01-17T16:10:00.000-08:00

I haven't completely been able to understand how there is a time for everything. Sometimes you think, this has got to be the worst time for this. Difficulties seem to come by the bucket load lately but we persevere, and keep believing that there is a time for everything under heaven and we will (in time) learn from the difficulties we endure and be stronger.

Whoever said to not run from trouble was right. I don't believe running away is the answer. Even though you can't possibly see the reason for the troubles and what you are gaining for enduring the trouble, it is still better to not run.

When I was having difficulty in 2006 from a number of places....children, family health, and work to name a few, I quit my job. I doubted my ability to work after that. At the time it was the only thing I could run from and I did. Was it the time to run?

More recently I have become unemployed again. This time the school closed; it was not me quitting. I have had a hard, hard time not working. Yet I keep feeling that not having a full time job is the best thing for me. I have been there for my son, I have enjoyed applying (laugh) for jobs along with the interviews, I have been able to attend morning ladies class at church, I have read books, I have painted, I have sewed, I have really enjoyed much of life that I was too busy to see when I was working full time. It was the time to be unemployed. I think.

Whether I will ever completely understand that it was the right time for something to happen, I will believe that everything has a purpose. We grow. We learn. At every time we can grow and learn.

Beef Noodle Stew

2012-01-17T15:40:00.000-08:00

1.5 pounds chuck steak cut in 1 in. cubes
flour
butter
can of diced tomato
8 oz. bow tie pasta
4 cups broth
2 bay leaves
1 tsp. thyme
1 1/2 tsp. garlic

Dredge beef in flour and brown in skillet with melted butter. Add beef, tomato, uncooked pasta, spices and broth to crock pot and cook on slow for 4 hours or on high for 2 hours.

Banana Split Cookies

2011-12-02T12:40:00.000-08:00

1/2 c. butter 1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 c. sugar 2 tsp. baking powder
medium banana 2 3/4 c. flour

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Cream butter and sugar with mixer. Add smashed banana, vanilla, and baking powder beating slowly until mixed. Add flour slowly-I usually end up adding more to make a stiff enough dough to cut out cookies. Roll and cut on floured board. Bake 6 minutes on top rack of the oven. Add frosting and sprinkles when cooled.

Schizophrenia

2011-11-10T05:24:00.000-08:00

Schizophrenia was a big word for me growing up. I heard many stories about my grandmother who had trouble taking care of my dad because of her schizophrenia. The stories are now becoming more real as I see someone close to me exhibit psychosis.

The stories of my grandmother came from frustration over her, love toward her, and the gentle wish from family to answer my adolescent questions (that never were completely answered, but I don't think that they knew the answers).

My grandmother did not want to take her medicine. Her medicine caused a paralysis in her face, tremors, and muscle weakness. I don't know what medicine she took. Without medicine, she wasn't always aware of her surroundings. She thought people were the devil, and could have bizarre behavior.

Now someone I love very much has had many hallucinations. They are "spirits" talking, explaining the world. I've seen social isolation, tenseness, lack of emotion, anxiousness, lack of activity and problems paying attention.

The medicine can control the hallucinations but when we we're going through a psychotic episode we don't know what to expect. We keep a close watch. We keep knives away. There are extreme laughing, rocking back and forth crying, screaming, good conversation, and sleepless nights.

I don't know anyone dealing with this. Please leave a comment if you can relate. Thanks.

If Satan gets me down then God picks me up

2011-11-09T13:53:00.000-08:00

I just read an editorial by Andrea Seu where she states, "I'm trying to figure out what I am worrying about so I can worry about it properly." This hit me so profoundly because I have been going through a Beth Moore series on Esther. In this book study, Esther goes through tremondous anxiety for her people, and I have tried to dissect why I am feeling down, depressed, anxious, overwhelmed (you can fill in the adjective) so that it can all be processed.

Today I went to the dentist with Jacob. It becomes a 2 hour visit. I finish the paperwork for my Boys and Girls club job, I read some magazines, I work on my Beth Moore workbook and I still have more time. Before I know it, I am frustrated, tired, and my mind is whirling. Why?

Beth Moore points out how the devil has us telling ourselves that if __________ever happens, then I'll just ________________. Our fears become our vulnerabilities. Once the hold is there it is hard to overcome the feeling of inevitable failure. These same difficulties can become our strengths. For example: "If money is not there (the difficulty) then God will take care of me (the strength). If I stay unemployed (the difficulty) then God has a plan (the strength). If I don't continue teaching (the difficulty) then God desires to accomplish something monumental in me (the strength). If I feel unsure (the difficulty) then God's going to demonstrate His sufficiency to me (the strength). Of course that was personal, but anyone can complete the "If ____________then ______________________" statements concerning their fears.

A couple of weeks ago I was at the hospital with Paul. He was anxious about work which gives him both asthma and high blood pressure, neither of which are good going into surgery. I had many concerns over my yougest child and the health care he needed. My brother called about his employment situation, my son from France called to check in, and my mom called to talk about Paul and my brother. By the time I got home with Paul, just in time for Jacob's tutor, my brain was a mush of anxiety. After much thought and thinking it was too overwhelming for the "If ______________ then ________________" statements. Today I realized, "If I become overwhelmed then I can still serve God." I had proof. I supported Paul, I talked kindly to everyone who called, I was there for my son's tutor, and I managed to feed, comfort, and take care of Paul after surgery. "If Satan gets me down, then God picks me up." If I am overwhelmed then I can still be a blessing. Had I seriously never realized this! I think after difficult days, I curl up and cry. I'm thinking now that this might be okay.

Normally I would grade the day "FAIL." Now I have a different opinion.

Lessons my daughter taught me

2011-09-19T16:26:00.000-07:00

I grew up in the era of "There is no free lunch." I've actually found myself many times over the years when the discussion is started on whether to give to the homeless. The concensus has been "No." The story has been that if you hand them a hamburger they will throw it away because they want money for drugs. Others have said that they've given people (asking for money) their business card, and noone called to get employment. Occassionally over the years I have given money to people. I think it was because my children were watching, and I wanted them to help people in need.

A few years ago my daughter and I were shopping and she suggested that we buy an apple for the lady laying on the bench in front of the store. She said the lady was there most of the time and that she didn't think the lady had a home. I told her that I didn't think the apple would get the lady out of her situation. Someone overheard the conversation and said, "Young people just don't get it, do they?"

We didn't give the lady the apple, and today driving past the same grocery store it hit me hard. I'm unemployed. It is hard to find a job. So many homeless have not chosen to be homeless. There are homeless that are educated, hard workers, veterans... I know now that helping is the right thing to do. Chelsea knew it was the right thing to do. I want to go get Chelsea and a bag of apples and feed some people.

Every city needs people to go to the homeless-give them food. Give them hope.

Asparagus Soup

2011-08-31T16:17:00.000-07:00

Two weeks since my hiatal hernia repair and still on a liquid diet. Here is a soup recipe that I like.

1 lb. fresh asparagus spears
3 cups chicken stock
1 medium potato peeled and diced
3-4 stalks celery chopped
thyme
1 cup milk
salt and pepper to taste

Soak and rinse asparagus. Remove top inch of each spear, discard tough lower part, reserving middle portion of stalks. Add chicken stock, asparagus tips and stems, potato, celery, thyme, and pepper. Cover and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 12 to 15 minutes or until vegetables are soft. Remove asparagus stems and set aside.

Place half of the soup at a time in a blender container. Cover and blend at high speed for 20 to 30 seconds or until very smooth. Pass through a fine sieve and return blended soup to saucepan. Add reserved asparagus tips and milk and heat thoroughly, or refriegerate to be served cold.

Quiet Drive in the Country

2011-06-15T16:53:00.000-07:00

Galm Road near Culebra

I went driving today. I needed to get out of San Antonio and go to a quiet place to read. I decided to go to Government Canyon State Natural area. The surrounding area reminded me of the Farm to Market roads around my hometown. There were large fields of wild flowers, trees that are growing on top of each other not having been thinned out in years, if at all.

It was tranquil to me. I love the beauty of a quiet river, or bench in a beautiful garden. This is the first time I had seen beauty driving along a country road. You may not see beauty in my pictures, but it meant something to me.

Take the time. Enjoy where you are.

Collier Bliss

2011-06-11T14:43:00.000-07:00

It seems a typical busy day even though I am technically on summer break. I don't know now if I will have a job in the fall. We haven't received contracts. This causes stress, but also opportunity to think of the skills I have and how they can be transferred to a new equally rewarding occupation.

This week we plan for Chelsea's graduation. I hope for a nice get together for her where she will feel loved and spurred on for a bigger, brighter future. She's my baby girl, and I love her so much.

Justin is safely in Antibes, France to study business and French. Take a look:

I love seeing him with such an adventurous spirit and no fear. He's met many in the week he's been there.

Jacob is 15. Trying to find independence, and we are trying for it to remain a safe venture for him. The loud music and incence gives me a headache, but this will pass. His veganism continues. I made vegie burgers. I used the blender to blend potatoes, beets, brocoli, carrots, and spinach with coconut milk. Then I added flour, flax seed and oats. I put it in the refrigerator then formed it into patties. We fried the patties on both sides, and then put it on the grill. Jacob said it tasted like the store bought vegie burgers. I was suprised they were any good. We'll keep working to perfect the recipe.

My esphageal manometry showed that I am a candidate for surgery. It's necessary to fix my hiatal hernia. He said the pressure in my esophagus was 250-normal is 50. I can feel that! Because of my stomach pushing up into my esophagus, it is normal for food to get stuck in my esophagus and I have acid reflux, trouble swallowing and chest pain because it becomes hard to breathe.

Ah, the adventures. I am happy to have a great support system-particulary Paul and Mom. I am totally surrounded in love.

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookies

2011-05-27T06:33:00.000-07:00

2 1/4 cup flour
1 cup brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp salt
1 cup non-dairy butter
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup almond milk
water for desired texture
1 cup non-dairy chocolate chips

Blend well and stir in non-dairy chocolate chips.

Strawberry Smoothie

2011-05-27T06:11:00.000-07:00

Put the following ingredients in a blender:

1 cup orange juice
1/2 cup chopped strawberries
1 banana
2 pieces tofu
1 scoop Spiru-ten Protein supplement

Blend until smooth.

Fruit and Vegetable Smoothie

2011-05-20T16:20:00.000-07:00

Put the following ingredients in the blender and blend on high until fully liquified.

1 banana
1 orange
5-6 fresh or frozen strawberries
3-4 pieces pineapple
1 carrot cut in pieces
1/2 cup chopped fresh kale
1 cup orange juice

Vegan Stir Fry

2011-05-06T17:31:00.000-07:00

Ingredients:
3/4 c. vegetable broth
3 T. soy sauce
1 T. vinegar
2 t. sugar
2 T. corn starch
1/4 c. tofu
snow peas
carrots
mushrooms
ginger
garlic

Sauce:
In a small saucepan stir 3/4 c. vegetable broth, 3 T. soy sauce, 1 T. vinegar, and 2 t. sugar. Heat to boiling and whisk in 2 T. corn starch.

Dredge tofu in cornstarch and fry in hot oil turning to brown on both sides. Add snow peas, carrots, mushroom, ginger and garlic. Drain. Add sauce.

Serve on rice.

When values go amuck!

2011-04-13T11:53:00.000-07:00

As a young child he was quiet, not easily provoked, never took up for himself and very deep in his thought process. At 3 he could add a list of numbers in his head. By 2 nd grade he was writing books, complete with titles to chapters and illustrations. By 6th grade these stories had turned into comic books that clearly illustrated his view of the world.

When he was in 4th grade he stated that he didn't think that an animal God created should be eaten when we have other food to eat. No one had seen a child make such an ethical choice at such a young age, and stick with it as long as has he has (6 years now).

The boy now is struggling with teenage problems. He has experienced marijuana, pills, and sneaking out in the night. The boy has high ethics, respect and integrity so we ask, "What happened?" The bible says in Proverbs 22:6 that children will return to the way they were raised.

As our children get older and life moves faster, activities take over, and less time is spent in the amount of time we spend talking. This boy with both strong ethics and bad choices can be brought back to making good choices. There are many ways to teach values to teens:

-Make a list of family values.

-Write a contract of expectations.

-Require time that the family eats together.

-Have one-on-one time just to talk.

-Take an interest in your child's friends.

-Spend time together doing fun, family activities.

-Volunteer together.

We are checking in daily and praying....

Vegan Pesto Pasta

2011-03-26T15:23:00.000-07:00

This recipe came from Leah Farmer.

Whole wheat pasta with pesto and roasted asparagus, onion, mushroom, and garlic topped with cherry tomatoes and a side of crispy garlic flat bread. Vegan delight!

Vegan Lasagna

2011-03-21T14:35:00.000-07:00

12 oz. lasagna noodles
2 (16 oz) firm tofu
2 T. olive oil
small bunch chopped kale
salt and pepper to taste
3 cups marinara sauce
2 small sliced zucchini or squash
salt and pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place thin layer of marinara sauce on bottom of 9 x 13 inch baking dish. On top of marinara sauce place a layer of noodles. Mix tufu, oil, kale, salt, pepper. Add layer of zucchini. Top with 1/2 of tofu mixure and half of marinara sauce. Place another layer of noodles, tofu and marinara sauce. Bake for 45 minutes uncovered or until hot and bubbly. Let sit for 10 minutes before cutting.

Reflection 3/12/11

2011-03-12T10:58:00.000-08:00

What a week! I have had a persistent stomach ache that will not stop. I go back to the GI doctor Monday but don't have hope that they have an answer. I am praying and waiting to feel better.

The week at work has been full...the first graders raised more money for cancer than any other grade at CHS. I am so proud of them. They are a caring, sharing, loving group of 6 year olds. We went to the Children's museum Thursday and their excitement about the riverwalk we walked by, the bird under the bushes, and the vents on the street blowing hot air was contagious. How fun it is to live through the eyes of the young.

On a sad note, one of my students have taken to crying at the smallest inconveniences. It is so hard to teach when a child cries and gets louder and louder. Oh, how I don't like to deal with crying. Reasoning doesn't seem to work.

My middle school students had a great week finishing the book The Witch of Blackbird Pond and having a 17th century feast on Friday. I love spending time with a group of teenagers commited to making right choices.

Now I am focused on Spring Break-getting the house and car cleaned, spending time with Dad in Temple, Mom in Georgetown, and Paul, Jacob, and Justin in Port Aransas.

Life, you will NOT get me down. You have succeeded too many times depressing my mood, but that is over and I am committed to living a life of righteousness.

Examples of Godliness

2011-02-13T17:06:00.000-08:00

There are people in your life that you can depend on. I think God specifically places these people like angels serving as instruments of His purpose. My first memory is Nettie Green bringing our family cinnamon bread. The next is living in North Dakota and Grace Hendrickson coming over to help me through the concussion I sustained, and get me back to church. There are many Godly people who have shown Christ through their actions.

I feel I have come full circle as I see my family as those bringing Godliness to others. I am proud to see Chelsea and her love for others as she gives the "extra cookie" to those coming through the drive thru at Schlotzsky's, and Justin as he works for Habitat for Humanity. I've seen Jacob from a very small child stand up for what he believes in and work hard to show others God's way. Now as he turns into a teenager, he's coming into his own and making mature decisions.

The men in my life that I am so proud of.

Soup time

2011-02-04T12:53:00.001-08:00

Trying to cook vegan on a cold and snowy day....here is what we came up with.

Vegetable Apple Soup

2 small grated apples
1 large potato grated
2 cups thinly sliced carrots
2 pints vegetable stock
salt and pepper to taste

Saute vegetables and apples in 2 T. butter for 5 minutes. Add stock and simmer for 30 minutes.

Vegan chocolate cupcakes

2011-01-30T13:12:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been at the place where you've seen your children make choices and you wonder where did they ever get an idea like that???? That is where I am with Jacob's choice to be vegan but it is getting easier to substitute for an egg or leave an ingredient out to meet his choices. This is a tested and approved recipe:

Vegan chocolate cupcakes

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

1 1/2 c. flour
1 c. sugar
1 t. baking soda
3 T. vegetable oil
1 T. apple cider vinegar
1 t. vanilla
1 T. cocoa
1 c. cold water

Add ingredients in order adding the water slowly as you blend to get the desired consistency. Pour into muffin tins lined with cupcake papers.
Bake 25-30 minutes.

Tomato Pasta

2011-01-23T15:38:00.000-08:00

The newest challenge is to learn how to cook vegan. The stir-fry with tofu did not go over well today. This is recipe we all like:

Tomato Pasta

3 T. sun dried tomato
2 cloves garlic
1 small bunch kale
1/3 c. olive oil
2 T. hot pasta water
salt/pepper
2 t. lemon juice
12 oz. pasta
1 t. thyme

Boil pasta with garlic and salt. In the last few minutes add kale chopped well. Drain pasta and kale saving 2 T. water. Butter casserole dish. Stir in pasta and other ingredients. Serve.

My Three Grandmothers

2011-01-23T11:47:00.001-08:00

Pictured first is Mary Daniel with my grandfather Charlie Daniel and 3 of their sons. Mary is the only grandmother I met in person. Since she lived in Georgia and we lived in Texas the visits were rare. Mary Graf, shown above holding my sister, died before I was born and Mattie Daniel shown with her husband Charlie died when I was 11. The three women have stayed alive in my memory by pictures, stories from those who knew them and letters they have written. I have felt most close to my Grandmother Graf. I always felt her presence at my grandfather's house where we went atleast once a month growing up.

Mary Graf was a first born child. She was a leader, active in her church, taught her children scripture and always looked out for others. I have felt her presence my entire life by reading stories written by her sisters and brothers, and from stories my mother would tell. I remember getting together with my Uncle Charles before my grandfather's funeral and all the stories that were told of both my grandmother and grandfather. There was a lot of love and I feel that still today.

Mattie Daniel was a little more of a mystery. My Uncle Gary tells me he knew her as a wonderful woman. I have talked through email with several of her cousins, aunts, and uncles. Just like my Grandmother Graf, my grandmother Daniel is alive to me through the pictures I have seen of her.

I knew my grandfather's second wife better, Mary Daniel. I corresponded with Mary Daniel through letter writing from elementary school until her death in 1998 and met her several times. Mary Daniel was a sweet, happy person that I enjoyed being around.

All of these ladies have influenced my life even though they were never able to attend a single function of my childhood. I've always felt part of something bigger. In Max Lucado's book Outlive your Life, he begins with a fable. The moral of the fable is to live your life so that you make a mark that does not end when you die. The three grandmothers I have did just that. They outlived their lives.

Precious Gifts from our children

2011-01-02T17:35:00.000-08:00

What parent doesn't like to see their children get along? When a second child is born, you want to see the older children enjoy or atleast tolerate the new child entering their life. As time progresses and you see them bond it is even more rewarding.

I can remember Justin and Chelsea behind the couch putting on a puppet show by lifting the puppet above the couch. Justin and Chelsea had many games they enjoyed together. They each had separate interest but they could and would often play together. Then Jacob was born. He was king. Chelsea thought he was the best gift God could have given her. Jacob lovingly called her Gecky. Justin also loved it when Jacob was born. He carried him everywhere, swung him on the swing and put things inside his shirt that Jacob would instantly fish out.

The past few weeks Paul and I have both watched Justin and Chelsea in conversation. We can see the love between them and it feels so good. You want them to get along as children but when they get along as adults, you have received a precious gift.

Angie Collier has been blogging about eating vegan, raising teenagers, memories of childhood, family medical problems (hospice care, cancer, knee replacement surgery) and my children's childhood since 2009.

http://angie-fromthecomputer.blogspot.com/

Christmas 2010

2010-12-29T16:59:00.000-08:00

In my little corner of the world it is as if we had the blessed miracle with all the wonder and happiness of the savior being born. I am exaggerating, of course, but did have a very good Christmas.

I've been impressed before that my children can show a maturity that gives me reason to admire their thoughts and ideas, but this day they didn't put themselves first but instead looked to the needs of others.

Justin, Jacob and Chelsea helped cook Christmas dinner. They didn't get distracted by movies or anything else going on, but purely helped. Jacob iced some cookies, Chelsea cooked the mashed potatoes, and asparagus, Justin put things in the oven, got them out and was there for everything I needed.

I love my children through good and bad. I like it when it's good.

8 weeks after knee replacement surgery

2010-12-12T14:36:00.000-08:00

It's time to get up and go to an activity I said that I would attend. It's hard. I still feel sick from the surgery. I would never go anywhere in this condition before, but after 8 weeks of feeling bad you know you have to get on with life.

My main problem (and there are many small ones) is that the leg is heavy, tight, hard to bend or straighten, hard to walk on. This makes it difficult to distract myself from thinking about the leg.

I have been successful keeping myself busy. I get a chair to do housework such as clothes, dishes, cooking... I have been scrapbooking, making Christmas presents, writing letters, reading, doing Sudoku... but my spirits wain. Going to church has helped, and spending small amounts of time at the school has helped. Keeping busy has got to be the best way to get out of any restrictive situation-whether surgery, depression, loss of job, etc...

My family stay positive. I have an excellent support system. I think I need to spend some time not thinking about how difficult life has become.

I've heard Dr. Phil say that "it could be worse." In the position I'm in now, that isn't the least bit helpful. Maybe at some point in my life the words could have been encouraging. Things can always get worse. Right now I just want to start getting better. The only solution seems to be keeping my mind busy with activity.

Eight weeks after knee replacement surgery, staying busy and trying to remain positive.

Banana Pumpkin Muffins

2010-12-11T13:11:00.000-08:00

My son Jacob has allergies toward beef and chicken. By 3rd grade he had decided as a personal decision he would become a vegetarian. He's now in 9th grade and is even more passionate about his decisions with food, cleaning products, etc...that involve the (harmful) use of animals. My personal opinion is that he loves and cares strongly for the well being of animals which has driven first his decision to be a vegetarian and now a vegan.

Several weeks ago a friend brought by a recipe for Jacob for vegan choc. pudding. It was very good! My husband Paul made Jacob Vegan Chocolate Chip cookies and then my mom made him blueberry muffins and apple muffins.

When he went Vegan I thought his ability to eat baked goods were gone. There are very few breads he would eat, he doesn't eat cheese, eggs, milk, etc... But not to be outdone by the loving people around me that are helping Jacob with Vegan recipes, I too came up with one after several tries. I really like this one. I used a banana in place of 2 eggs and soy milk instead of regular milk.

Banana Pumpkin Muffins

Bake at 375 degrees for 20 minutes

2 c. flour
1 T. baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 teaspoon cinnamon

3/4 teaspoon ginger
1/3 c. margarin
1 c. sugar
1 medium banana
1 c. mashed, cooked, or canned pumpkin puree (not pie filling)
3/4 c. soy milk

Scoop 1/4 c. mixture into muffin tins.

I have more coming soon.

Surgery

2010-12-03T07:00:00.001-08:00

I entered the knee replacement surgery knowing it would be difficult and painful but with the heart that wanted to be mobile so that I could keep up with my family. I have had surprises. I've been much more emotional than I thought I would be and have cried more in the last 7 weeks than in the last 7 years.

When I woke up from surgery, I was in much, much less pain than I thought I would be. I didn't realize how long it would take my leg to wake up. I had very little ability to move my leg and to this day still need to pick it up and move it at times.

In the hospital and afterward, Paul, the kids, friends, family, students, parents, etc... have shown me how much I am loved. From Scott and Mom driving to San Antonio, cards made from the CHS elementary student body, well wishes from friends, and food from friends, I have been overwhelmed. I feel God is showing me that I have love in my life that I have never fathomed.

In the 2nd and 3rd week I felt more swelling and more nerve pain. I was needing to take pain medication every 4 hours. As the weeks have continued it has turned into more of an annoyance that my knee doesn't bend or straighten like it did before surgery. I am very restricted in my movement. My knee is still healing in the inside. I still need pain reliever, but not as much as before.

The worst was when I was told first by the physical therapist and then by the doctor that I would never have full mobility. Every time I thought those words for 2 weeks, I cried. I wanted to work harder at physical therapy and I prayed diligently that I would have the mobility that I went to surgery to obtain.

From the day of surgery I have done everything I have been told. If I was told to do an exercise twice a day, I would do it 4 times. Somehow I was wronged by not getting the results I felt I deserved. I want to stop the resentment, continue to work and get as much mobility as possible.

It has only been 7 weeks. At times I have no discomfort. I have made progress. I am so glad that I can now alternate legs going up and down stairs, I am proud that I can lift my leg high enough to go over the side of the bathtub and can take a bath instead of sitting in a chair in the shower, I am so glad I can bend my leg enough to comfortably get in the car.

My hope for the future is to be able to straighten my leg enough so that I don't always put the weight on my arthritic knee. I want to get through the pain and increase the length that I can walk comfortably so that I do not restrict the plans of my family, because of my inability to walk.

I pray I can bend my knee more so that I can cross my legs, put on my socks and shoes, and do the things I need to do to be a young, strong 45 year old woman.

Contentment

2010-11-24T10:59:00.000-08:00

At Thanksgiving all 3 kids were able to join us. We went to Mom's and had Thanksgiving with Mom, Larry, Scott, Justin, Chelsea, Jacob, Cody and Paul. It was so wonderful to sit with those you love and reflect on life. I came to several conclusions.

If I could live anywhere in the world it would be in San Antonio where my family is, and Texas where I have extended family. I have resisted embracing San Antonio. I think this is the longest it has ever taken me to embrace where I live but I have come to a feeling of contentment. Yes, contentment!! That was my goal for 2010!

I am at peace with my job. I realize that I do like teaching the little ones. I am at peace with my kids. I have found that their character surpasses both Paul and I at times. Only God could make that happen.

After Thanksgiving events included decorating inside and outside the house. While decorating the tree the kids talked about when each ornament was made or given to us. The discussions were so fun, and warmed my heart.

What a wonderful life filled with thankfullness, peace and contentment.

Thankfulness

2010-10-09T14:55:00.000-07:00

Since I took medical leave 2 weeks ago I've somehow come to a peace that feels very good. I realize how much I love my family, friends and all those that surround me whether in person or through email, text, or facebook.

My new found contentment has brought me to the point that it makes me smile to wash clothes, drive my children around or just sit on the couch talking for hours on end. Chelsea and Cody spent most of Wednesday with me. They've been coming over more and more and I love it. I wish I could do more for them.

I love spending time with Paul, Justin and Jacob. After my knee surgery, I want to be able to shop with Chelsea, hike with Jacob, take Justin places he has never seen in Texas, and travel with Paul without needing to rest, take tylenol, etc...for my knees.

Though my abdomen still hurts constantly and I feel I have slowed down to almost a stand still, I think this will be short term. 2011 looks to be a wonderful opportunity.

How creative God has made us

2010-07-23T14:32:00.000-07:00

I've been looking at other blogs and seeing beautiful photography, music, poems, needlework, quilts, etc.... I don't have the ability to produce any of those much less write a tutorial BUT I do believe God has given us all talents to use for Him.

Two Sundays ago we went to Chiles after church and there was a balloon artist who created insects out of balloons for the two boys. They were very cute. I wish I could have taken a picture of them before the boys let the cat destroy them. I've kept that great moment of her creation in my mind for 2 weeks and it continues to bring a smile.

I haven't wrapped my head around what creations we will produce this next school year. I think we have great potential and opportunity.

Wonderful Summer

2010-07-12T12:53:00.000-07:00

I've decided that this is the most important summer I have ever had. When I wasn't commiserating over the pain in my knees I was spending time with my husband, my children, my friends and family.

Above is Scott throwing the first pitch at the Round Rock Express baseball game. Mom, Larry, Paul, Justin, Jacob, Deb, Craig, Larissa, Nathan, Tabitha and Annalisa were there to cheer Scott on.

Every Friday the ladies of our life group get together to eat. I was able to get together with Lori in New Braunfels. The fellowship of Christian ladies has been wonderful.

I loved going to Marble Falls with Paul...every walk, every quiet moment, every talk was time well spent. I love taking Jacob shopping. This child lives life like he feels it should be spent never criticizing others for making different choices.

My oldest two children have made me proud in their adult decisions. Justin loving college and Chelsea working steadily at her job making sure she can pay her bills.

Justin, Chelsea and I have many opportunities to sit, talk, and have laughs together.

This had been a wonderful summer.

I release you

2010-07-01T07:28:00.000-07:00

Prayer for Chelsea

Thank you Lord for Your many promises of protection. You have kept Chelsea safe from accidents, disease, and injury. I now ask for your help to release her to adulthood knowing that she has morals and values embedded in her heart. Help me not to hold on and stop her from growing in her ability to make independent decisions. Give her a vision for her life when setting goals. Help her to see herself as You do--from her future and not from her past. Teach her to look to You as her hope for the future.

In Him I pray.

Summer!!

2010-06-23T10:32:00.000-07:00

I've got a few things started that I wanted to get done this summer. I've got about 5 weeks left which should be plenty if not too much time. Without a schedule things are taking much longer than they normally would. Example: Woke up this morning at 8! I had already missed Fox and Friends, but continued on. I worked on the pillow I am making with Dad's neckties, and I studied for the Reading Specialty test then I got in the hot tub to relax--now 11:00. By 12:30 I did finally get dressed for the day. I am loving unscheduled days. Here is the pillow so far. With the amount of ties dad had, I could make 4 or 5 pillows, if I have the stamina.

Taking it slow

2010-06-16T15:54:00.000-07:00

I've had 3 weeks since school ended. I've had time to relax, read, and catch up with stuff that life throws us when we REALLY don't want to accept it. Now, refreshed, I can get on with my summer. I have 2 weeks before my ethics class starts, and then 4 weeks after that the Masters degree will be finished! The sun is shining, the grass is green, there are new exciting units of study to plan for, crafts to create, and places to explore.

Going through dad's things last week, I got a whole box of ties to make something out of. I know there is a craft in there somewhere. I have all these great ideas that I want to plan for next year. I am not positive which grade I will teach, but I want to start the planning process.

Oh the places we go.

The year 2020

2010-06-04T13:25:00.000-07:00

Instead of getting the grant written up for my graduate class, or doing laundry, or washing dishes, or planning for VBS next week, I thought I would purge myself of the thoughts creating this headache that is keeping me from being productive.

I am at a good place right now. I love my husband and children more than life itself and they know that. I also have a career that I love.

The problem is not letting all the stresses keep me from appreciating what I have. Yes, I feel I need to look for a more stable job. Yes, I wish Chelsea was more stable. Jacob is going to highschool. Justin is going to study in France. Both are scary for me. I don't think my children are worried. I hope not. I pray they are able to function without the anxiety that I seem to create for myself.

I have decided to put myself in the mode of looking toward the year 2020. I find tomorrow unpredictable, next year unpredictable, but somehow 2020 looks very good. I see myself teaching and should have found my stable job by then, the kids will have all moved out and found their paths by then and it will be me and Paul enjoying life.

Yes, life is good in 2020.

Onward and Upward

2010-05-26T08:19:00.000-07:00

I've been in a constant whirl wind of learning since I started my master's degree in 2008. I think I am just about ready to stop--seriously just not have to think anymore yet here I am typing away trying to get all my thinking documented.

The days seem to be filled with trying to figure out life: how to enhance others lives and refine our own lives. It would be nice to wake up, look in the mirror, and confidently know that God is leading the day. There are days that I do that. Then there are days that I wake up sure of the fact that without a conscience effort to bless others with my speech that I will drain others of their confidence. There are so many forces in the environment that impact how we react to the world.

May the positives propel us forward and the negatives not get us down. Onward and upward.

2010-05-21T11:56:00.000-07:00

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what if doesn't have. Love trusts God always. Love looks for the best. Love never looks back, but keeps going to the end.

Covey: Understand what others are saying before seeking to be understood.

Future not that scary

2010-04-25T17:30:00.000-07:00

Food for thought: The reason people find it hard to be happy is they see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.

Past: Sometimes I find myself thinking of when was really happy and want to go there, but it is never the same.

Present: I see the happiness of the present, but worry about things going on in the present.

Future: No grip on what it will be and worry there too.

Too much worrying going on.

The future doesn't have to be scary. I've heard people say to live in the present. Take it one day at a time. I probably do see the future less resolved than it will be and the present worse than it is. The future does not have to be scary, and worrying about it doesn't make it better.

Waiting for ...

2010-04-17T10:08:00.000-07:00

I wonder how people wait for death and keep their sanity. I am in a position now where my dad is dying. I wait for the phone calls from siblings, and know the phone call might be saying dad has passed away.

The wait. I don't like the wait. I don't like the idea of the phone ringing. There is more negativety. So little positive to focus on. How do people do it?

Too much unrest. Too much, too much.

I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go. Comfort. Comfort is what I need. Been there before. Wanting comfort.

Too hard. Too much.

Let me rest in your holiness

2010-02-23T06:38:00.001-08:00

I found a blog by Robin Lee Hatcher where she says this within a poem. Right now meditating in God's holiness sounds so refreshing. May I bless others with the rest I receive from God's holiness.

Jacob

2010-02-18T03:52:00.000-08:00

Jacob will be 14 on the 20th. I have watched him grow and had so many precious moments.

He is a strong, philosophical guy and I can never guess what he is thinking. He always has me puzzled. I think I am the luckiest mother for the opportunity to learn about him.

Jacob has always loved strong movement--swings, climbing, exploring. Now at 14 he skateboards, jumps on the trampoline with his dog and is exercising all the time.

Jacob has lots of good friends. He has never been the person to collect as many friends as possible but instead find someone and know them forever. His best friend, Logan, now lives a state away but Jacob would never turn his back on him.

Happy Birthday, Jacob. I love you very much.

Usefulness

2010-02-07T10:09:00.000-08:00

When I was in 5th grade Nettie Green told us that God always gives our life purpose, and it is our responsibility to find it. I remember her example was a mother with a 2 year old that God gave the mother to wipe his nose. That stuck with me, because it isn't always the glamour or power that is our purpose.

I sometimes have check list to make sure that I get the things completed that I need to complete but my purpose in life is completed without being on the list. I wake to pray first thing, I bring Paul coffee, I tell my children that I love them, I check in with friends. I never end a day without thinking through to make sure that good was done.

As a teacher, I feel I have a job that can heal others or hurt others. Many times my purpose is putting on a band-aid, giving a hug or teaching how to get along with others.

Yes, I feel useful. Thank you Nettie Green for a message that has stuck with me through decades.

Blessings

2010-02-04T03:03:00.000-08:00

Look back and thank God. Look forward and trust God. Look around and serve God. Look within and find God! God closes doors no man can open and God opens doors no man can close.

Paul

2010-02-03T16:07:00.000-08:00

I grew up in the same town as Paul. I never thought of him as more than someone that I went to school and church with, but the older ladies of our town would tell us there was something more there.

In highschool, I was a freshman and he was a junior and he would have me carry his things, duck walk, and other things that I know now was his way of spending time with me. He was always the jokester.

When Paul joined the Air Force I realized I missed his smiling face. We dated when he visited our small town, but soon I was driving to see him. Later we were married, now 3 children later, I still laugh at his silly actions. He is someone I admire. He is smart, funny and can handle what life gives him. We have been married 25 years and I love him more today.

Children

2010-01-31T18:05:00.000-08:00

I told my oldest I was changing my facebook picture to the one I took with a student. I won't. I'll leave the family up for now. I love my students though. We are deep into science and the questions are thought provoking. The thinking that goes on in those little minds are wonderful.

Thankfulness

2010-01-26T02:50:00.000-08:00

I feel thankful for my thoughtful husband, supportive children, beautiful mother, a home, clothes, food, work, the list goes on and on.

I am back to wearing my complaint free bracelet because it is so easy to sit and talk to friends about the "wrong' in our lives. The bible does not teach us to do this. David, Job and others actually were thankful. Saying thank you is not just something we have children do.

1 Chronicles 29:13 Now, our God, we give you thanks and praise your glorious name.

Psalm 7: 17 I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the LORD MOST HIGH.

Psalm 69:30 I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify him with thanksgiving.

Psam 75:1 We give thanks to you, O God, we give thanks, for your Name is near; men tell of your wonderful deeds.

Psalm 136:26 Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever.

I remember going with my grandpa to the Lutheran church and repeating "His love endures forever." Yet we have the audacity to complain! How human is that!

I also love the song "We will magnify His name!"

The water has always soothed my soul and made me realize the gloriousness of God. The dophins were everywhere, except when we had the camera out.

Future

2010-01-17T11:44:00.000-08:00

I've talked before about coming full circle...that I started in special education and would return to special education. I still do not know when or where but I believe this to be true.

I have filled out applications for 7 different districts in San Antonio and part of me wants to stay at CHS. Such indecision. This is not like me. I normally make decisions fast and stick with them. I don't know where I want to work.

My choices:
1. Elementary general ed.
2. Elementary special ed.
3. Middle school reading teacher
4. Elementary Reading Specialist
5. Middle school special ed.
6. High school special ed.

Hmmm. If I could stay in the private school and continue to teach 1st grade. I would like to have a full class of general education students and get paid twice as much. ♥

The quest to find my future continues.

Beautiful Day

2010-01-09T06:18:00.000-08:00

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Cold is what I'm told. The sun is streaming through the windows. There is frost on the car. I think the life of my roses are gone, but there is life in my heart.

Today I visit both mom and dad. Mom in Georgetown, and Dad in the hospital in Temple. I have joy.

Fruits of the Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfullness, Gentleness, Self Control

Chelsea

2010-01-07T02:49:00.000-08:00

Chelsea is 19! 19! My only girl is now 19. We have moved into a different stage of our lives. I have always had a deep appreciation for her thoughts. They always make me think whether I agree with her or not.

At this new stage she is living out of our house and I respect that. She pays her bills, works and goes to school. I go the grocery store with her and watch her stretch her money to buy so much food. She is very good with making money last.

Chelsea is a thinker. When we went to visit dad in the hospital, we talked afterward about the things he said. I noticed that I would say, "What do you think he meant by _______?" I very much respect her thoughts.

I love my Chelsea. I am such a proud mother. I have to follow up with, "I am not proud of all her choices," but I am proud of the woman she is becoming.

2009

2009-12-31T11:35:00.000-08:00

In 2009 I vowed to stop the complaining and have a thankful heart. While I wasn't always successful, I feel I had success. In 2009:

Mom conquered cancer again!
I had the best response from parents during teacher appreciation week.
I received all A's in my graduate classes.
We got Cat for Jacob. (such a cute and funny cat)
We've had more time with Justin.
I have thoroughly enjoyed Jacob's 13 year old self.
Chelsea has made positive changes in her life.
I went on a cruise with Paul who I would marry all over again.

I welcome 2010. Thank you God that I can wake up in the morning with so many blessings.

I saw God wink

2009-12-24T05:23:00.000-08:00

God winked at me. I know that he did. Sometimes you just know that you are pleasing God.

We spent hours shopping for Christmas and it was constant conversation with the kids. Jacob (13) loves to hear stories of when he was little. He laughs and smiles and seems to enjoy every story. Justin (21) will say "Mom, I don't want to hear that" or "Why didn't you stop me?" He finds it all so embarrassing. Chelsea (19) smiles when I talk about her silly 2 and 3 year old escapades and I can read her mind, "Mom, is being Mom and I will endure."

God winked at me and loves me and I love the memories. Forward and Upward to more beautiful memories.

My baby

2009-11-29T13:10:00.000-08:00

I have been pondering as I go through this afternoon how I can have a more grateful spirit. I so want to say that I already do, but I know that I can get depressed. Can you get depressed when you are grateful? The two seem opposite.

Three years or less ago I was told that my daughter needed a new therapist because they just could not help her. The next therapist said she was dark inside. The next said they had never seen anyone so depressed. Finally we were told we could get hospitalization that she desperately needed if we moved to Texas. Within 2 weeks we had moved.

I don't know if all the hospitalizations helped Chelsea. I don't know how far a long she is now. I don't see the dark side. When I see her, she is happy, thankful, loving and so very much the little girl I love so much.

When you are in the midst of struggle with someone you love...gratitude is not always there, and I think God understands. I will be grateful. Life will always be hard because I feel too much but I am very grateful that Chelsea has come so far.

Tis the season

2009-11-28T04:10:00.000-08:00

Justin has always wanted to keep the traditions. I remember when he was in 4th grade and demanded we make a gingerbread house because we always make a gingerbread house and it is our tradition!

Now Justin is 21 and working and realizes some things need to be tweaked but we can still have our traditions. We didn't put up the tree on Thanksgiving day because he and Chelsea both went to work in the afternoon. We did put the tree up Friday, we will put the lights on the house today and take in a Christmas movie Sunday. Got to work around the kids work schedules but we have the Christmas spirit.

Merry Christmas to all!!

No worries

2009-11-21T04:11:00.000-08:00

A parent of one of my students likes to say "no worries." Each time she says it I let out a deep breath and release some worry.

We took the time to get away to the coast 2 weeks ago and it was so good to relax. I did lesson plan before the family woke up, but I didn't worry about anything. I do love to lesson plan and figure out how to help my babies (students) learn.

Everyone needs this time to relax. I think I have gone through a period where I refused myself the time to relax and not worry.

I have now found out that not only do I have a mother with cancer but also a father with cancer. Not a good family medical history. I was told by a very wise niece that something good could come. I want to have a spirit of gratitude in the midst of the storm.

No worries.

Just Happy

2009-10-25T05:25:00.000-07:00

Glad to start the week. The weather has been so Fall like-cool for Texas. This week I teach a Dr. Seuss unit and Bats for our nocturnal unit. Just so very excited. Happy with my children. Chelsea is getting on track, Justin has adjusted to the move to San Antonio and Jacob has made lots of friends at his new school.

And the very, very best...planning our 25th wedding anniversary. Glad to have spent 25 years with Paul. He's such a good person.

Dad

2009-10-18T05:23:00.000-07:00

It is hard to have a conversation with dad these days. His memory is gone most of the time. He asks the same questions over and over not remembering things from seconds before.

I was thinking this morning of when I got back from a 3 week trip to Europe. I had just graduated high school. I was ready to move out of the house. I was going to live in a dorm at college. While at Europe, I had made a daily log of what I had done each day. Dad sat and read every page asking me questions about what I had written. At that time there seemed to be very little dad and I had to talk about. I no longer wanted to ride behind him on motorcycle rides or play putt putt golf. Thinking back as a 40 something adult, dad made the effort to be involved in my life by reading my Europe diary.

May every parent be involved in their child's life.

Am I willing to learn?

2009-10-11T12:42:00.000-07:00

"We are not what we know but what we are willing to learn" Mary Catherine Bateson

Going through lots of thinking when I hear how much my dad has lost with his memory. I want to learn more about what is going on, how to take care of him but there is such a fear of the unknown.

I would like to drive him to Georgia to see his family there, but if he has trouble with bowel movements....can I handle that? What can I handle? I know I am not as fragile as I use to be. Pondering just what I can do. How can I help? Am I willing to learn how to care for him?

Die in Christ

2009-09-20T04:25:00.000-07:00

I woke up with the hardest thoughts on my mind. A friend told me that when her children were young she prayed for health, happiness and safety. Now that they are older, she prays that if they die, they die in the Lord.

As much as I hate to think that is where I need to be, I am afraid she is right. The most important thing is that they die in Christ. I have a child with very risky behavior and I know that none of us are destined to stay in this world.

I pray that God is in our hearts and minds this day. Amen.

Peace

2009-09-11T07:55:00.001-07:00

"Neither become obsessed with circumstances nor forego awareness of them."

My brother has been posting from Hua Hu Ching, and this quote I do agree with. I think you have to come to a certain place before you can actually stop obsessing and realize you need to enjoy life. God has taken me through the fire and I do believe that he does not want us to obsess but look to Him.

May we all feel peace.

Passage of time

2009-08-30T18:25:00.000-07:00

Jacob is in 8th grade now and informed me that he would start buying his lunch. Since kindergarten I have made the lunches of all 3 kids, now my youngest wants to eat like all his friends--they buy, they don't bring.

When I picked Jacob up from his youth group meeting tonight I wasn't quite sure what to do. My husband and I drove up, we saw Jacob up by the basketball goal. I looked at Paul and said "our oldest would have been mortified if I walked up to get him, but Jacob doesn't look like he will notice us." We waited, then decided to walk up. I tried to be cool. I wanted him just to notice we were there and not embarass him. He looked over and smiled.

Ahhh, the passage of time, but I love every stage of my children's lives.

Stop, Look and Listen

2009-08-29T14:07:00.000-07:00

A friend was telling me that she was late for work because her and her son saw an animal nursing it's babies and had to stop and see the wonder of an event they hadn't seen before. May we all stop, look and listen. There are so many beauties to behold.

Lord Get Me Through Another Day

2009-08-27T03:02:00.000-07:00

I pray that when I get frustrated I will ask Brady to pray who says things like, "Thank you for all the kids in this class so that we can be friends."

I ask that when the whole class starts chanting "Go, Frankie, go Frankie, go Frankie" I remember that they are being supportive not trying to disrupt the class next door.

I pray that when I'm asked for the 3rd time if they can feed the fish, I don't get frustrated because we always feed the fish at the same time everyday AND not while we are doing math!

As Jesus said in Luke 18: The Kingdom belongs to the children.

The Excellent Communicator

2009-08-15T16:41:00.000-07:00

Jesus, the excellent communicator, as I continue with trying to not complain, I find so many biblical principals. I do agree with so many that we need to be able to talk to others about problems, its just so easy to tell EVERYONE, (most of whom do not need to know the complaints), and it fills their day with negativity.

Here is what I have found:

Prov. 11:1-The mouth destroys your neighbor

Prov. 18:21-The tongue has the power to hurt others

Prov. 15:4-The healing tongue brings life

Eph. 4:29-Encouraging words build up

Psalm 118:24-This is the day the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Romans 13:10-Love does no harm to its neighbor.

Deut. 12:18-Rejoice before the LORD your God in everything you put your hand to.

Phillipians 4:11-Be happy whatever the circumstances

1 Thessalonians 5:18-In everything give thanks.

Proverbs 16:24-Pleasant words are a honeycomb.

And finally the Beatitudes: Galatians 5:22 of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfullness, gentleness, and self control.

This tells us our words are important. I have still barely read the Complaint Free World, but it is on my list of things to do. I have been working on the campaign for 3 weeks. Some days are better than others, but I recommend the change of attitude and watching our speech.

Volunteering

2009-08-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

I heard someone say that they didn't understand doing a job without getting a paycheck. They didn't understand how someone could volunteer their time. I can not understand how someone can go through life and miss out on helping others without expecting money in return.

I remember getting on my banana seat bike with the flowery basket and riding up to the library to volunteer. I would file cards for the new books coming in (yes, a card for each book--this was before a computer database).

Likewise, I would ride the bike and visit Mrs. Arrington who taught me to embroider pillows, and so many others who showed me their player pianos, taught me about hearing aids, banana trees, introduced me to the Reader's Digest books... I don't know if they were volunteering to help a young child or I was entertaining the elderly with my musings but we both benefitted.

I have a quilt my grandmother made with her quilting group. I've heard so many talk with love about my grandmother and how she helped others. What if she didn't volunteer? How empty.

Paul loves to tell the story of taking the Lord's supper to a shut-in and she was using the bathroom and said, "come on in, I will be here awhile". I was so embarrassed.

Yes, volunteering has its ups and downs but what would life be without it?
Volunteering to me is trying new things. If you aren't good at it, you can try something else. I've stayed connected with my children's schools by volunteering both in the classroom and on the PTA. It has given me respect for the school personnel, but also gives me insight into everything that the school is doing. The one year that I didn't volunteer, even though I was staff at the school, I didn't stay connected. In Acts 20:35 Paul told people “to remember the words of theLord Jesus, how he said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

(Luke 6:38 NIV) Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
(Luke 12:33 NIV) Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.

I know that by being involved, your life is better.

Justin

2009-07-31T04:39:00.000-07:00

Justin I've called "The Golden Child" for about 5 years now. He has this attitude that all will go right and even when others might look at his situation and think it is not going right, Justin doesn't ever see it that way.

Situation #1
When Justin was in high school he thought he didn't have a band final. A friend called him, waking him up, and told him there was a band final. With 10 minutes left in the class period Justin runs up to the band director, the band director has him play his part on percussion and all is fine.

Situation #2
Justin needs to get to the airport on Christmas Day after work. He gets to the airport early but all the parking is filled up. He drives around, his flight time getting closer and closer, he finally finds a place to park but its minutes to take off. Paul calls and tells the airline that he is on his way. They hold the plane for him!! He gets on the flight. It's all good.

Situation #3
Justin gets a call that he is late for work. He wakes up immediantly and says he will be right there. The manager meets Justin and sarcastically says, "Like to sleep in?" Several more times the manager makes a comment to Justin like "You are here on time today." Justin starts noticing the manager first and greeting him by name and saying, "How are you?" Next thing that happens is the manager asks Justin if the Hyatt can help him pay for college, help him get a job when he moves to San Antonio, etc...

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: A rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. Justin would handle all 4 in a positive way.

Complaint Free World

2009-07-28T12:17:00.000-07:00

I am 5 days into being more direct with what I need instead of complaining to anyone standing near me. I had an exciting moment today when I realized that when I did talk to the person that I needed to about the problem (instead of 4 others who had no interest in the situation), the problem did get helped.

I think I avoid telling the person I need to approach about problems because I don't want anyone thinking I cannot handle things or I'm not easy going.

It's becoming easier not to complain. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Sometimes the silence IS golden and I feel better.

Childhood memories

2009-07-28T03:59:00.000-07:00

Things I remember

Always able to talk to mom.

Riding the tractor out to the pond to roast hotdogs on a stick.

Swinging on a rope from hay bale to hay bale.

Dad building a skateboard out of a piece of wood and roller skate wheels.

Twirling with my friends to music on the front porch.

Building a tree house with wood we got from the new houses going up around us.

Riding my bike through the woods.

Going to the bowling alley for an ice cream cone.

I love you Mom and Dad for giving me a wonderful childhood.

The albatross

2009-07-24T06:06:00.000-07:00

Love the title-I haven't decided if its the worry or this bracelet I'm wearing that is the albatross.

Two things:
1. In 6 months Paul and I will have been married 25 years and I would like to keep him until then. August 18 he goes back to the audiologist. They told him his syptoms sounded like a tumor not just hearing loss.

He also needs to make an appointment with a heart doctor. The constant high blood pressure coupled with his brother needing bypass surgery has him worried.

2. On a lighter note--I'm thinking if I don't put the "Complaint Free World" bracelet on then I don't have to do it. This is only the second day and I made it really well until my Masters class last night then I started being critical of Rachel. Of all people, I pick on someone who has done wrong to no one.

Goal for the day: Be a positive influence

Favorites

2009-07-20T07:55:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Favorite part of life:

Paul: yes, dear (as he makes a face behind a wall)

Me: Are you sticking your tongue out at me?

Jacob: No, but he's making a really weird face.

1st grader: I wouldn't have hit them with a rock on their hand if they wouldn't have put their hand under the rock. (such perfect logic)

Me: Jacob you know you are not allowed to kiss girls.
Jacob: Too late.

Jacob: There was a friend at VBS from my school.
Me: If they're from your school then they are in our neighborhood. You should have them over.
Jacob: It's a girl.
Paul: ...how about you talking at school.

Ms. Sue: Don't get into trouble because I work at a small private school and I don't have bail money.

I just read on my brother's facebook: Choose the path that takes you toward something you love, instead of the one that takes you away from something you fear.

Plan for the Best

2009-07-17T05:37:00.000-07:00

I'm planning on having a very good day today.

This picture was taken in Thomaston, Georgia but it could be the north side of San Antonio.

Today I have a busy day beginning with doctor visits (these knees are just not working and I'm told they aren't going to without surgery), then I go to work a 6 hour day (not too long), then to the Zimmers to learn about the Brazil campaign for next year and last I pick up Jacob from his trip to Oklahoma.

Jacob has got to be the quietest, most easy going 13 year old. I've missed his level headed look on life. Thank you Scott for filling in last night and talking great wisdom.

A complaint free world

2009-07-14T12:57:00.000-07:00

Leah Farmer is doing a non-complaining campaign. The book is called "A Complaint Free World." :) She says, "The point is to eliminate complaining. A lot of people don't realize that most of us can express the exact same concerns with almost the exact same words without the tone and intent of complaining. So a lot of it is learning to express myself in a more positive and well-thought out way while eliminating whining, gossiping, etc. The problem I struggled with the most was complaining about things to people who had no power to change the situation. For me the goal is to change my own outlook, communication style, ability to recognize blessings, and reduce the effect of my negativity on those around me. "

Well said Leah.

Remember My Name

2009-07-05T12:47:00.000-07:00

We are so proud when we see our children learning. They smile, roll over, sit up, crawl, walk! Maybe its the teacher in me, but I like the "other" first: writing their name, counting by 2's, learning the multiplication tables AND when they surpass me in knowledge. Justin is very good at explaining to me about things that I know nothing about. I love it.

Today while moving the desk Jacob had outgrown out of his room, I noticed he had carved his name on it! I called him over in unbelief that I had never noticed this before. With his big smile and giggle he said, " I did that when I was 6 and look I wrote the "C" for Collier because I didn't want anyone to think it was some other Jacob."

When Paul and I first married his family would tell me stories of Paul. Paul was the baby of the family and so all his siblings had stories. One of my favorites was when Paul had just learned to write his name and he went into his brother's bedroom and on his brother's desk, he wrote his name! Paul was so proud of himself that he learned to write his name.

Our daughter was proud when she learned to write her name. She was sitting, rock in hand, on the trunk of our car when she decided to practice writing her name. In big 18 inch letters she spelled her name, correctly, on the trunk. I was so upset. I took her around Alamogordo explaining graffiti and that it was against the law to write on other people's property. Just like Paul and Jacob, Chelsea was just proud that she could write her name.

Small towns are wonderful

2009-07-03T06:58:00.001-07:00

Janis Hagler, Pam Hunter and Me
Christian Heritage Banquet and Auction 2008

The Air Force has mainly put us in very small cities to live, and it has made bonding with friends such an easy process.

In Colorado Springs we were more spread out but with planning the mothers of young children met at parks around the city. Alamogordo was completely different. When it only takes 5 minutes to get from one side of town to the other, we could call each other and say, "Meet me at ________park" and you could get a group there in less than 30 minutes.

When someone needed something, same thing, phones would ring and help was there. You didn't have to consider traffic patterns, time of the day, etc... I miss the small town.

Janis, I will miss you when you move to Wichita!!! Even though we could barely ever drive across San Antonio to see each other, you were there when Chelsea was in the hospital, when we moved to San Antonio and when it mattered. When we were in Alamogordo together you would get bored, get the kids and come over unannounced. I miss that. Small towns are wonderful.

Spider Webs, Rivers, and Drive In Windows

2009-07-02T11:46:00.001-07:00

Just finished up Vacation Bible School and had so many fun times with the kids. Cindi and I started to reminisce about the fun activities we did with our children.

Spider Webs: Justin and his friends were about 7 years old and I gave them each a roll of yarn and they had the den to make spider webs. They stretched the string from one chair to the next and across the room. They had fun making it, climbing through it, and then a few weeks later cutting it down. I gave them each a pair of scissors and they cut away at their strings while I came around collecting all the pieces.

Rivers: This was so much fun that the kids gave it a title. They would take the water hose and let the water run to make indentions in the yard. They then would take dump trucks to move the earth, make highways, and bodies of water for boats. This was an ongoing activity summer after summer after summer.

Drive In Windows: Our house was the meeting place for Justin and his friends between the ages of 6 and 8. Chelsea had her friend Johanna and all of them would order their food from outside. I had a sliding window in my kitchen. The kids, with help from Paul, made a menu complete with drinks, popsicles, corn dogs and chicken nuggets. The kids would pretend to honk their horn, I would slide open the window and they would place their order. I then would tell them to pull around and they would go to the sliding glass door to pick up their order.

I treasure each and every stage of their precious lives.

Justin and Chelsea's Photography

2009-07-02T05:00:00.000-07:00

Justin and Chelsea won ribbons for their photography when they were between 8 and 10 years old. Chelsea always concentrated on the animals. Justin's photography focused more broadly. I loved the way Chelsea dressed the rabbits for graduation, marriage, and any other event her and her friend Cayla felt the rabbits needed to attend. Below you will see Starburst and Honey's wedding reception. She planned on breeding them and (of course) needed to have them married first.

Guilty conscience

2009-07-01T16:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've already admitted I struggle to like the pets. We are now down to only a dog and snake. The hamster and rat have been missing for a month.

I woke up on a Saturday and saw the rats had gotten out of their cage and eaten through over $100 of computer cords, printer cords, telephone cords, etc...I grabbed one of them and tossed it out the front door.

I went to meet a couple of friends for breakfast and when I got home, I found out the other rat and the hamster were gone too. Those I didn't touch, but I'm feeling really guilty about them being missing.

Paul thought he saw something under the hot tub, but we haven't had any other signs....

What a great day!

2009-06-28T12:54:00.001-07:00

Paul and Jacob tried to race each other, but Jacob got stuck at the opening gate. Paul ended up way ahead.

Chelsea and I at Schlitterbahn.

Paul bought the chicken, potato salad, jalapeno puppies, and strawberry shortcake.

106 degrees it said on the thermometer! How hot can Texas get?! We had such a good time cooling off!

How should we be remembered?

2009-06-26T08:14:00.000-07:00

Okay, two posts in one day means that I need to walk away from the computer but I have thought more about my earlier post and didn't want to erase or add to it just start a different line of thought about the same subject.

I'm thinking of when my grandfather died, my mother-in-law, and my good friend Alice. We want to remember the best of them. My grandfather did some activities that can be called unethical. My mother-in-law hurt us badly. I spent an hour a day of every school day with Alice. I looked forward to seeing her and enjoyed bouncing ideas off of her, but after 2 weeks of all the good words about her, I started thinking...Alice wasn't perfect.

We all want to be remembered for our greater good. Yes, Michael Jackson should be remembered for his musical talent. Oh, that was hard to type.

Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T05:04:00.000-07:00

I've heard of 4 deaths in the last week. The most talked about is Michael Jackson. At the beginning of this week I saw a post that someone had lost 2 brothers within 4 days. It left me speechless and in prayer for this family.

I learned yesterday that both Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson had died. I am hearing very little about Farrah Fawcett. As far as I know she lived an upstanding life. I know Michael Jackson dubbed himself the king of pop, and yes I enjoy his music, but it hits too close to home, because of his outrageous behavior toward children.

Just last week I learned that a music teacher that 2 of my children had was indicted of 10 counts of sexual exploitation of children and 43 counts of child pornography. I observed this man, admired his ability as a teacher, respected him. Before this allegation I thought of him as a mentor, and now I am conflicted. It makes me start wondering how he will be remembered when he dies.

Yes, Michael Jackson has music that I like to listen to, but will my music teacher friend be remembered for his great ability in the music field. Probably not, most likely he will slip away without mention or be remembered by his actions of child endangerment.

I remember Michael Jackson saying that he thought sharing a bed with boys was beautiful. My music teacher friend said something similar--that he thought children were beautiful and taking photos of them was a form of art.

Michael Jackson's music will live on but this outpouring of "love" makes me feel sick.

Completing the Circle

2009-06-25T14:48:00.000-07:00

From very early I knew I wanted to work with children who had special needs. I always thought I would work at a children's home, but this didn't fit into Paul's plan. I almost had my bachelor's degree in accounting when I thought Occupational Therapy was more what I wanted to spend my life doing.

I had to have my Bachelor's degree completed to apply for the Masters in Occupational Therapy, and they didn't advise a degree in accounting to prepare me for the OT program. I immediantly went over to change my major to Special Education.

Several years later I received both a degree in Special Education and Elementary Education. I never did go back to get my Masters in Occupational Therapy. I loved working with the students with special needs.

Then the move to San Antonio. I think working at CHS (a private school) with students who are set to learn has been a wonderful gift. Last summer I decided to get my Masters in Advanced Literacy. I saw myself in the next many years using my knowledge in reading and writing to help CHS.

Now my life is getting confused once again. I may be able to stay at CHS, but the way the enrollment is decreasing, I wonder if I need to use my Reading Specialty elsewhere.

This is one of the many reasons I ask, "Where is God leading me?" and "Am I being led back to those with difficulties learning?"

I just read on my sister's facebook, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." Now that lightens the mood.

Meaning of Life

2009-06-24T09:32:00.000-07:00

I am feeling very serious today. By this time of the morning I've usually gotten much more accomplished, but I just can't seem to get started. I started the day with a walk. It didn't lighten my mood. I am filled with life right now...I mean I have kids keeping me very busy, college, genealogy, and teaching. Usually all of this brings fulfillment, but today just seriousness. I'm thinking where is all this going. What next?

It reminds me of youth rallies growing up. You'd go out of town with a bunch of people, have lots of fun and then come home only to realize everything was the same and you were no longer on a "high." These past few weeks I've connected with friends from high school (Karen Vasquez), connected with family members (Laura, Jacobye, Tim), and just this week-end spent time with old friends in the mountains (my Riverside congregation). Now I am back, and not just the same old routine but wondering what the new routine will be. Where do I want to go, what do I want to do? Can I go where I want to go? And if I don't know where I am going then how do I lead others?

When I study the bible, I know that the people didn't know where God was leading them, but I so want to know where I am being led. Does God give us more than we can handle or do we just not realize we can handle it?

How I've learned to tolerate my children's pets

2009-06-09T14:25:00.000-07:00

I didn’t begin life with a love of animals. We had a dog for a short time period growing up, but I never felt a longing to have a pet. Somehow 2 of my 3 children were born with a different attitude toward animals, and I have come to tolerate their pets.

I could tell from the time Chelsea was a baby that she loved animals. When I would read to her at 6 months old, she would kick her little legs excitedly when she would see animals in a book. Everyone in our family characterize Chelsea from her handling of the animals. She’s caught tadpoles, frogs, turtles, lizards, stray cats, and even a tarantula she found on the street. While volunteering at a pet store, Chelsea was given a rat by the owner, because Chelsea had handled it so much it had become tame. The owner didn’t feel right selling it as snake food since it had been treated as a pet. Chelsea is not only a horse whisperer, but can truly talk to cats, dogs, mice, rabbits, snakes, any animal without exclusion.

My son Jacob is the biggest animal activist I know. He’s 13 and has been a vegetarian for 3 years. He would never hurt an animal much less eat one. I have had trouble convincing him the animals are okay in their cages. He likes to let the bird fly around the house, he thinks the rats should roam the laundry room, and while we taught the rabbits to use the litter box they have left unwelcome presents in the house when they have been allowed to jump around freely.
At many different times in my chidren’s lives we have had over 8 animals. You have not lived until you wake up in the middle of the night hearing noises and find out your son’s snake is chasing the hamster. One time I was going up stairs about 6 a.m. to wake up my husband to go on a walk and the snake was coming down the stairs. I screamed for my husband, Paul, and then I screamed for my son, Jacob. No one was waking up. I took my cell phone, to call my home phone, to get someone awake to get the snake! I have many stories about the snake, the hamsters, the pet rats, the rabbits, but how did I come to love them…

When I started taking the animals to my classroom I would either have my daughter, Chelsea come hold the animal or my son, Jacob. Just this past year, I didn’t have Jacob or Chelsea at my school. The first time I took the snake to my classroom, I brought in a 3rd grader to hold the snake, but later while discussing the pattern on the snake I had to get it out to show the students. I tried to separate myself from the situation, pick it up, and not act afraid. I succeeded. I wasn’t happy, but I got the job done. Later when I took my daughter’s pet rats to school, I again did not want to handle them, but took them out, and even kind of liked their little hands as they grasp my finger.

In a unit on life cycles, I ordered a frog from the science center. The frog jumped from my hands, and the girls stood on their desks screaming. I think this is when I started yelling, “It’s a frog, and it can’t hurt you!” I knew this is what my daughter has told me about her tarantula, and many other of her pets that have scared me. I knew if I was going to keep having pets in my home and in my classroom, I was going to have to face the reality of when it is okay to handle the animals and not let it scare me.

Chelsea enjoys volunteering because of taking her rabbits around for Easter pictures or to preschool classes. Jacob’s love of animals has been fostured by letting him have animals in our house. I have never been, and I don’t think I ever will be an animal lover. I have learned to tolerate the animals for the greater good of my youngest two children. I have to tolerate the animals for the experiences my students can have with them. I also acknowledge a feeling of accomplishment that I can handle the pets successfully. This is a milestone. After 10 years of pets, I can finally live with them in peace.